Page 55 of Rhett

“Are either of your parents Italian?” I ask.

“My mom’s mom was. Her parents passed away before I was born.”

“Aunts? Uncles?”

Rhett shakes his head as he grabs a spatula and breaks up the meat. “I wonder sometimes, if that’s why she stayed with him. If it’s because she had no family and felt alone.”

Rhett doesn’t offer things about his personal life freely, and usually it’s after some prompting. Fear wrestles around in my gut. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and ruin this moment, but I’d like to learn more about him, and I think Rhett wants that too.

“Did he physically abuse—”

“No. Not that. Never that. And in his own way, he loved her—as much as Gregory Swift can love anyone who’s not himself. He loved her more than he ever loved us. He had us for her and, well, because he wanted people to control.”

My hands tighten into fists, and I feel…I feel like I let him down somehow. Like the whole fucking town let Rhett down, Morgan, East, and Ella too. How did we not know? How did he traumatize his kids so much yet the town adored him? The town still adores him.

“He was the hardest on you?”

“No. The easiest,” Rhett replies, voice husky with pain.

I don’t believe that, not at all, but I do think he was different with Rhett.

“He hated East. In his mind, he ruined their perfect world. Life was a lot easier to manage when it was just me, Morgan, and Mom. I always did what he said, and Morgan made Mom happy.”

“You made her happy too.” I might not have known her, but I believe that.

Rhett shrugs. “Anyway, it was the worst for East because he never even got the chance to have Mom, and then lost Ella. East had a hard time, and Gregory never let him forget that he thought it was East’s fault and that he thought East was weak. With Morgan, he tried to control him, but I think he saw that Morgan wouldn’t be as easy as me, so he started to pit us against each other, would use me to upset Morgan and use him to make me jealous. He always told Morgan he was too soft, gave him shit about Dusty, tried his best to make him hate me because again, Morgan had Mom before she died, and I would then only have him.”

Why?I don’t understand how someone can be so cruel. How a parent can be so cruel. But then, do some people need a reason? There’s hate all over the world. People abuse those they love every single day; we just don’t see what’s going on behind the closed doors.

“Baby…that doesn’t sound like he was easy on any of you.” But I’m not surprised Rhett has made himself the bad guy, the one who didn’t suffer as much. He takes too much responsibility for everything. He’d take it for the whole damn world if he could.

“I’m supposed to shield my brothers from pain. I’m supposed to deal with shit so they don’t have to.”

“No. You’re not.”

He turns his back to me, adding the sauce to the meat. I kiss his shoulder, his neck, wrap my arms around him.

“It wasn’t ever your responsibility. Your dad had a responsibility to treat his children right.”

“What about her?” he asks, surprising me. “Sometimes I feel angry at her, for staying, for not telling him to lay off Morgan, or not forcing me to put the books away and go outside to play. And then I feel guilty. How can I feel that way about her? She was a victim too. That doesn’t make me a very good person.”

“You’re the best person.” My words feel hollow, but I’m doing my best. “That’s natural to feel, and you’re right.”

“She really loved us. She tried to give us the best life she could,” he defends.

“Baby, both things can be true at the same time.” I turn him around. “She can be a wonderful person, someone who loved you and wanted what’s best for you, but some of her choices could have hurt you too. Too many people look at the world as black and white, and it’s just not like that.”

Rhett nods, then swipes at his eyes. No tear has fallen yet, but they’re glassy. “I’m sorry. Tonight was supposed to be fun, and I dug up all my shit. I don’t want to ruin this.”

“You’re not.” I cup his face. “You’re letting me in. I want to know everything about you. I want to be one of the people who’s always there for you—good and bad. Life is made up of both. You can’t share your life with someone and only want the good things.” And I think that’s how April was. She checked out when things weren’t fun, when it was time to be responsible. When she realized we always had to put our child first.

“I don’t know what’s happening here.” Rhett drops his forehead against mine. “It’s difficult for me when I don’t understand what’s going on or what’s expected.”

“I don’t expect anything from you other than for you to be you. As for what’s going on, I gotta tell you, Rhett, I’m in deep. Maybe I shouldn’t be already, or maybe I shouldn’t tell you, but I am.”

“I’m in deep too. And I’m not sure how to do that, how not to mess it up.”

My damn heart feels like it’s going to float away. It’s so light, I need to tether it before I lose it completely. “Me neither. But we’ll figure it out together.”

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