Page 49 of Rhett

Today, the house feels empty and quiet. Tripp is meeting with a homeowner about a possible upcoming job. Then he’s taking Meadow to therapy before the two of them are having dinner with Tripp’s folks, brother, and the rest of his family.

It’s not as if I haven’t sat in this house a million times by myself over the years. It’s not as if I haven’t been home alone too many times to count since Tripp and I started spending time together. So the fact that it feels so…loud in its emptiness today is a sign that I’m getting much too used to spending time with Tripp and Meadow.

They’re not my family.

There’s no way this situation with Tripp will last.

More often than not, I’m miserable to be around. People have shown me that most of my life. I was shit to Morgan, and shit to East, and I always chose Dad over Mom.

“Shit,” I curse, trying to think of a way to reframe the negative self-talk like Talia taught me, which then makes me consider the fact that even when it comes to therapy, I try to be perfect. That can’t be a good thing.

Before I can think on it too much, there’s a knock at the door.

I frown, not sure who would be here because the weather is shit and Tripp is busy.

My lips turn up into a ridiculous smile at the thought that I have a Tripp, someone I might be expecting. Someone who comes over to see me.

I open the door to see Morgan and East standing on my porch, East with a scowl.

“What did I do?” I ask, and my brother’s lips turn upward. “Why are you smiling at me?”

“At your question,” East answers at the same time Morgan says, “East does that more often now, remember? That’s what happens when you’re inlove.” He sings the last word the way someone does when they’re teasing, the way brothers probably often do with each other, which is something else that was robbed from us—joking, playfulness. Morgan and East are trying to get it back, or at least, Morgan is trying to bring it back to all three of us. He’d been playful with me too the one time we all went to dinner at East’s before he went into his program. “Are you going to invite us in?” Morgan asks.

“Don’t blame me. This is his fault.” East points to Morgan.

“It’s no one’s fault,” Morgan jokingly scolds. “This is a good thing.”

“But Rhett always gets grumpy when I show up out of the blue, so now I’m blaming you.” The two of them banter in this totally new way that makes me both jealous and maybe the happiest older brother in the world.

This is…what it’s supposed to be like. This is how we should have always been.

This is what I don’t know if I’ll be good at.

But I want it for them.

I want it for us.

“Come in before you let all the warm air out.” There’s a slight snippiness to my voice I wish I didn’t have. I don’t understand why it’s so hard when it comes to me and my brothers.

I step out of the way. Morgan comes in first, then East, and I can’t help remembering the last time each of them was here, separately. Have they ever been in my house together? The sad truth is, I don’t think they have.

They shake off snow, which makes me grumble as I get a towel to clean up the mess. Morgan and East hang up their gear, and then we all sort of stand there like we don’t know what to do. We’ve been in the same space more lately, but it’s always with someone else there—Dusty, Archer, Archer’s family. Never just us.

“Do you want something to drink?” I ask, straightening up a candle on one of my tables.

“Whiskey?” East asks.

Morgan nudges him. “We don’t need to get drunk to have a conversation.”

“I was kidding. I don’t even remember the last time I was drunk. You’ve all sucked the life out of me,” East replies.

“That’s not true, brother, and you know it. You’re happier than you’ve ever been.” Morgan wraps an arm around East’s shoulders and pulls him close. It’s hard for me not to just stand there and watch them, to see their dynamic and how much it’s changing. They’ve grown closer, while I’ve been figuring myself out. There was a time that would make me feel more alone, but I’m not sure that it does anymore.

“Coffee?”

“Sounds great. Thanks, Rhett.” It shocks me that the words come from Morgan. Even though East’s the grumpier of the two, my relationship with Morgan is more complicated. But then, he did come over that day…only we haven’t talked since. Should I have been the one to reach out the second time? I never thought of that. Maybe he didn’t want to push. Maybe he was waiting for me before he realized I was just going to fail him again.

“I’ll get it started.”

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