Page 44 of Rhett

“Are you okay? I’m sorry if that’s something you decided you didn’t want and I didn’t realize it.”

“What? No,” I finally find my voice. “I wanted it. It’s just, I always thought I was straight. Despite kissing Dusty all those years ago. And then you…and how it felt…why hasn’t it ever felt that way? I didn’t know it could feel that way.” I pace, hands in my hair, pulling in frustration.

I’ve never been a very sexual person. That’s partly why the kiss with Dusty surprised me. Most of the time, sex was something I did because it felt like something I was supposed to do, but tonight, Ihungeredfor Tripp.

“Hey. Slow down. We’re okay. You’re okay.”

But I can’t slow down. I don’t know if everything will be okay. “What if that kiss messes everything up? Meadow, or work, or things with East and Archer.”

“You’re giving us a whole lot of credit here to mess up a lot of things.” He intercepts me, slips his arms around my waist, then presses his lips to my nape. “It’s okay, Rhett. We’re okay.”

His hold makes me melt against him. His scent slows the rapid beat of my heart.

“I’m sorry. There’s something wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“I’m weak.” Isn’t that what we’ve been told? Showing emotions is weak according to Gregory Swift.

“Jesus. No, you’re not. Come here.”

He takes my hand, leads me to the back of the shop and into the small office there, with a couch, a desk, and a chair. He sits me down on the couch in this way I would never let anyone else do to me, in a way no one has ever wanted to do with me, and then joins me.

“The last thing I want is to mess with your head. You thought of yourself as straight?” He dances his fingertips against my temple.

“Yes.”

“Did I do something to make you feel pressured to kiss me?”

My gaze snaps to him. “No. Fuck no.”

“Just making sure. It’s okay to just realize you’re bisexual, or pansexual, or however you choose to identify.”

There is so much I’m figuring out about myself, it’s overwhelming. “How could I not know?”

“There doesn’t have to be a reason. Maybe you just didn’t know how to admit it to yourself. And it’s okay to explore who you are. You’ve never given yourself that opportunity. You’vedone everything your father wanted, and now you’re trying to figure out whatyouwant. That’s something to be proud of.”

It’s something I want to be proud of. I want to believe him, but it feels so convoluted.

“Can I be honest with you?” he asks, his hand traveling to my nape and resting there.

“Yes. I’d prefer it. I need you to be honest with me.”

“I liked kissing you. I wanted to kiss you. I like you, Rhett. More than a friendship, and I haven’t wanted more than just friendship or sex with someone in a long time—not since April. But more than my want for you, I careaboutyou. This friendship, I think it means a lot to you too.”

I swallow. Then nod.

“That’s the most important thing. I’m afraid of doing something that could hurt you. I haven’t dated since April left. I don’t know that I’m ready to have an official relationship with someone Meadow knows about. She already feels like her mom abandoned her, and I worry about bringing someone into her life, and then how it will affect her if it doesn’t work out. I want you, but I’m scared to want you. I’m scared my daughter will get hurt…that I’ll get hurt…and of hurting you. But I also know that I can’t kiss you like I did tonight without my feelings getting involved even more.”

Two thoughts whirl together in my head: Tripp cares about me. About our friendship and my feelings. He cares about me in this way that it’s impossible not to believe, in a way I’ve always craved. And the second thought is how much Meadow means to him, how much he considers what’s best for her, the way a father is supposed to do…the way my father never did.

Both things make me like Tripp more, make me feel changed, make me want to take a chance. Wouldn’t that be what Talia would tell me to do? Isn’t that what Morgan did? He took a chance with Dusty. East took a chance with Archer. I’m notsaying Tripp and I will end up in the same place. I don’t believe he’ll fall in love with me, but he’s offering me something I never knew I wanted, and even if I had, never imagined I would get.

“Say something.” His fingertips dance along my nape.

“I like you more than just friendship too, and I don’t think I’ve ever liked someone more than that before, not even my ex-wife. I need your friendship, but I think I need to see what this is as well. I’ve missed out on so much. I don’t want to miss out on this.”

“Jesus.” Tripp cups my face, angles my head in his direction, then drops his forehead against mine. “You’re twisting me up, Rhett Swift.”

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