Page 69 of Dangerous Deceit

And suddenly, I’m in those memories, staring up at my old middle school. All looming brick and failure. A lump forms in my throat.

“There was this early admittance exam for middle schoolers to take classes at the university. With special permissions, I could have taken classes at UCLA,” I explain. I laugh; it seems so stupid now. “But I hadn’t studied, and with the little amount of free time I had, I didn’t want to spend it in college. I wanted to be on my own.”

I wring the back of my neck. I was such a spoiled brat back then, and it took me years to figure that out. By then, I was already part of the yakuza. Luckily, Tomo has always workedwithme. He knows I can’t stay still. It’s why he’s given me multiple jobs.

And it’s not like my parents would take me back anyway.

“I hitchhiked to Vegas,” I explain. “It was a long ride.”

Vi gives a half-smile from the kitchen. “I bet.”

“I ended up outside of this little casino Tomo used to run protection rackets for. If it had been any of thewakashu—yakuza soldiers, that is—I would’ve gotten the shit kicked out of me.” I chuckle, remembering the way Tomo looked at me like I was a cold, dirty mouse trapped in a cage, crying for help. “But because it was Tomo, I got a bed and a house to clean. ‘Work it off,’ he had said. He didn’t even question whether or not I’d accept his offer.”

“And did you?”

I nod. “He took care of me from then on.”

That was when I met Dice, Cherry, and Niko. Dice was adopted into the family like I was, and Tomo had Niko with another woman, which makes Cherry the only child technically born within wedlock.

But Tomo and Gracie still raised all four of us like we were their own blood.

It’s hard to avoid the similarities of my history and Vi’s. Just like Tomo raised me, Jay had gladly stepped into the role of raising Vi. And while her parents were killed, I left my biological parents back in Los Angelesby choice,but Tomo and Gracie stepped into that parental role as soon as I needed them. At twelve years old, I had no idea howmuchI needed them. I’m grateful Tomo found me.

“Anyway, I get it,” I say. “When you said sometimes you hurt your family, even if you don’t want to? I understand that. A little too well, actually.”

I scrub a hand over my face. Vi had said those words referring to Patrick, and I hate putting myself in the sameposition as him, but I want to relate to her right now, to show her I know where she’s coming from. That she’s better than me.

“I was an ungrateful son, but I still think it was the best thing for all of us,” I say.

Vi pauses her movements, keeping her eyes on her hands. I swallow a lump in my throat. I shouldn’t be telling her this—she can use it against me or the Endo-kai—but it’s already out.

“I still send them money,” I say quietly. “Don’t know if they actually cash the money orders, but in my mind, that money is theirs. And I’ve got a couple of people in L.A. who keep tabs on them for me.”

Vi comes over and puts a hand around my shoulder, and I hold her palm tight against me. I hate it, but I’m attached to her. Whether it’s with mafia secrets or my own stupid history, Idon’twant to be careful around her.

“Sometimes, youdoget to choose your family,” I say. It’s like I’m begging her to choose the Endo-kai, to chooseme.And maybe I am. If that means I have to be the bigger man and accept Jay too, then I’ll consider it.For her.

I’ll do anything as long as I don’t have to fulfill my duty of killing her.

She returns to the kitchen and fiddles with her supplies again. I must have said something wrong. I push my chair back, but I don’t move. She organizes the materials, and I try to figure out what I said to make her retreat back to her candles.

“My uncle is nervous,” she says. “He thinks we’re next.”

We.He thinks I’d kill himandVi?

I shake my head. “He’s got nothing to worry about.”

“Try telling him that.” A few more seconds pass, and then she jumps up, her face lighting up like the Strip at nighttime. “Hey! What if we had a family dinner? Jay can get to know your family, and you’ll get to know him. It’ll be good for all of us.”

There’s a twinkle in her eye, a genuine hopefulness. Even if Jay is a piece of shit, I want to make her happy.

“Like a real family,” I say.

She bobs her head with excitement. “Do you want kids?”

I gawk at her, completely stunned she’d jump to kids after what I’ve put her through. After the secrets I told her. When she knows I’m part of the yakuza.

She lifts her shoulders with a playful grin. “I know we’re not at that point, but I don’t know. I guess I always dreamed about it. Having my own family. Somewhere where I can make my kids feel safe. Just like you make me feel safe.”

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