Page 52 of Dangerous Deceit

“Do you think I’m disgusting?” I whisper.

Finally, Kenzo looks up at me, his eyes wide. “Why would I think that?”

“Because you’re not my first. Because I had sex with my cousin. I’m tainted, and?—”

He puts a finger to my lips, silencing me. “Your cousin is the disgusting one. He’s a fucking piece of shit.”

Comfort simmers through my shoulders. I turn back to the materials and check the temperature of the wax. I add the fragrance oils and breathe in through my nose, taking in the scent. Coconut and vanilla, two of my favorites. As plain as they may be, it reminds me of summer, when it seems like nothingcan hurt you. Like the beach. Like a cottage on the coast. A dream home you never want to leave.

“Whether he was truly ‘protecting’ you or not,” Kenzo mutters. “You don’t hurt your family like that.”

I curl my lips, gnawing on them. “They didn’t hurt me,” I argue. “Patrick was gentle. Uncle Jay coached him and made sure he was nice to me. It was supposed to prepare me for the real world, you know?”

So one of our jobs didn’t hurt me. So I didn’t cry when it actually happened, in case we had money on the line. I don’t tell Kenzo that though.

Kenzo shakes his head, and I can’t help but feel defensive of Uncle Jay and Patrick. They’re messed up,sure,but so am I, and so is Kenzo. I grab his arm, and Kenzo’s eyes impale me, an iciness etched into his expression.Pure, frigid rage.

I’m not sure why this bothers him—if it’s a jealousy thing, if he sees me as property, or if he has strong beliefs about what it means to be family—but I want him to understand where I’m coming from. I need my family as much as he needs the Endo-kai.

“They didn’t hurt me,” I repeat. “But some day, your family might hurt you, oryoumight hurt your family too. You won’t mean to do it, but you will. Sometimes, it’s the only way to move forward, you know?” I bob my head, trying to get him to agree with me, and finally, his chin lowersalmostin agreement. “You have to move on. You have to see they’re still your family. That you’llalwaysbe there for each other. That even if you hurt each other, it might be the best thing for everyone involved. It’s the only way a family survives.”

Kenzo lowers his eyes. Maybe he can relate.

“Your cousin is still a piece of shit,” Kenzo says.

“I never said he wasn’t,” I say, adding a little humor to my voice, but it’s lost in the conversation. Kenzo doesn’t even blink.“He did it to protect me, Kenzo,” I plead. “So that someone else didn’t hurt me first.”

Kenzo’s eyes meet mine, but there’s a barrier between us made of tall stones, so thick and strong, not even a boulder can break it.

“No,” he says.

“No what?”

“Did youwantto fuck him, Vivian?”

When I was sixteen, I didn’t know what I wanted, only that I had to do what Uncle Jay and Patrick told me. I was drunk and numb, and their logic seemed fine. How could I tell my own family “no” when they just wanted to protect me? When my whole life was comfortable and safe because they had done everything for me? Uncle Jay always looked out for me, andhesaid it was okay.

I start: “That’s not?—”

Kenzo grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. A lightning bolt of warning charges inside of him, his eyes burning like hot coals, ready to set the world on fire.

“It’s a yes or no question, Vivian,” he says. “Did you want to fuck him?”

I gawk like an idiot, but it’s not that simple. The truth is I agreed. Verbally. I didn’t really have a choice.

But did Iwantit? Maybe not.

I lower my eyes, and Kenzo lets go of me. “I knew it,” he growls, irritation leaking into his voice again. “I fucking knew it.”

“Knew what?” I ask, annoyance building inside of me too. “I didn’t say anything.”

“He raped you.”

“No, he didn’t. He was protecting me?—”

“Did youwantit, Vi?” he asks again. “Agreeing because you think youhaveto do something and agreeing because youactuallywantto do it—those are two different things, aren’t they?”

“I-it wasn’t rape,” I stammer. “Besides, what about us at the gala? On the balcony? In the mirror room?” I shove it back in his face. “That wasn’t exactly ‘nice’ now, was it?”

---