Page 34 of Desire

“But I can help dry you,” Eadric said.

“Go,” I repeated.

I listened to their retreat and the sound of the door closing. My limbs shook as I stood and dried. My hands gradually stopped trembling as I dressed, but the feel of Eadric’s mouth lingered.

It took a long while to calm.

Once my hair was dry, I worked through the knots Eadric had created and then attempted to read the next lesson in the book. The words held no meaning, though. My mind lingered on the bath and how I’d allowed two men to kiss me at the same time.

With a sigh, I set the book aside and went to the door. I opened it quietly and watched the brothers. Daemon lounged in his bed as usual, his leg hanging over the edge, idly swinging. Garron paced at the edge of the clearing. Brandle and Edmund were missing, but I heard the ax behind the cottage. Eadric was sniffing appreciatively over the cooking pot. And Liam and Darian were sparring.

Everything appeared unchanged, but I knew nothing remained the same.Ihad changed. How they saw me had changed. How and why remained a mystery that I couldn’t question. I could only hope to discover the answers before I lost more of myself to this place.

I glanced at the late afternoon’s long shadows and quietly slipped from the cottage.

As soon as I rounded the back, Brandle noticed me. He straightened away from the pile of wood he was stacking and watched me close myself into the privy. The continued sound of chopping gave me a false sense of safety, causing me to jump when I opened the door again and found Brandle there.

He’d set the washbowl and soap on a tall log beside the privy.

“So you can wash in peace,” he said softly.

I warmed the water and washed quickly, aware he was lingering.

“Speak what’s on your mind, Brandle,” I said.

“I’m uncertain what to say. I’m afraid they pushed you too far. I’m afraid you’ll leave.”

I wiped my hands on my skirt and met his gaze. “Given the frequency in which you and your brothers test me, I can understand your concern. However, I have no desire to reassureyou after each occurrence. Instead, I find myself in need of comfort and assurance.

“I stand by my vow to give whatever is needed to save my sister. Yet, I find myself doubting.”

“Doubting what?”

“My purpose here and whether you and your brothers are treating me fairly…or if I am simply being used for your amusement.”

“Kellen, I?—”

“Truthfully, it matters little so long as you fulfill your promise. I do not hold my virtue at a higher value than my life. If I must sacrifice it, so be it. I will sacrifice whatever is necessary to secure the help I need. But I would like your assurance that you are not using me cruelly, Brandle. I have suffered enough, I should think. I’ve lost everyone dear to me. Must I lose myself, too?”

He pulled me into his arms, hugging me close. I set my head on his shoulder and returned the hug, needing the comfort.

“Forgive us, Kellen. I vow that we are not using you for our entertainment. Never.”

I nodded against his neck but didn’t release him, pretending for a few precious moments that he was Eloise. If she were here, I would have confided everything to her. My frustration regarding my magic. My fear that I was being used. The beauty and wonder of what I could do and what the men in this glade often made me feel.

“I will warn the others to stay away,” he said.

“We both know that distance from each other will not help me do what I must. If itwerean option, you wouldn’t have asked me not to close myself in the cottage. Rather than warn them away, remind them I am a daughter and sister, grieving the loss of her family while struggling to understand powers that could see her forever removed from her home. I am riskingeverything to help you and your brothers and my sister. All I ask for in return is your consideration of the emotions I am forever struggling to contain for the safety of everyone.”

His hand stroked over my hair.

“We have been so focused on reassuring you that your emotions can’t hurt us, and we’ve forgotten that they can hurt you.”

His understanding brought forth a dangerous tingling in my nose and eyes. I took a few calming breaths before continuing.

“I thought that I’d long ago stopped caring what others thought of me. However, the idea of people learning what just happened…I am not as immune to the harsh judgment of others as I believed.”

“What part of what happened?” Brandle asked.

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