Page 17 of Desire

Edmund told me they would say something if I was doing something unhelpful. If kisses weren’t helpful, why had they been asking for them? If not for gaining my help, were they simply amusing themselves with me? Did they truly see me as a wanton woman?

My frustration was so strong that I wanted to throw something.

The book flew out of my hands and hit the wall. I stared at it with wide eyes. I hadn’t physically thrown it, yet I could feel the book. Not the weight of it in my hand but the energy of it as if I’d connected to it in some way.

Terrified, I gripped the arms of the chair and closed my eyes to focus on the well. I’d been allowing myself to feel too much without thought about the consequences. It was a miracle I hadn’t accidentally drained the surrounding energy and killed something.

I focused on my breathing—the calm of each inhale and exhale—until I felt fully in control. Then, I opened my eyes and glanced at the window to gauge the time. However, the sky remained overcast.

It would rain soon. I could feel it in the air.

I frowned and realized I could feel the weatherwiththe lid tightly in place on the well.

While I’d known I would never be able to return to the life I’d had because I wasn’t the same person I’d once been, I’d still believed I could return home to Drisdall. Now I was no longer certain. My abilities were no longer as hidden as they once were.

“What are they doing to me?” The room gave no answer to my softly voiced question.

Standing, I stacked my chair with the others and then began setting out the bedding before the hearth. When I finished, I litthe fire and climbed the cabinet to the loft above. With a blanket wrapped around me, I lay down and forced myself to read by the weak light cast by the fire below.

The information distracted me from my frustration. Absorbed in learning, I read until I heard a knock on the door. Softly closing the book, I set it aside and waited.

“Kellen?” Brandle called.

“I told you, she’s not there,” Edmund said.

“The fire didn’t light itself,” Brandle said.

Another knock sounded.

“Kellen, close your eyes. We’re coming in.”

I closed them, not because I was listening to him but to ignore the meaningless act they put on. What did it matter if they grew large when in the cottage? Why couldn’t I see that? Would it stop me from helping them? Edmund had said that nothing I discovered on my own could invalidate my help.

The door creaked open.

“Kellen?” Brandle called softly.

I wanted to call him an ass in return, but honestly, he wasn’t the one who’d behaved like one. I had. And that was the most frustrating part of all of this. So, my self-recrimination kept me silent.

“I’ll check the cellar,” Liam said. “She fainted down there before.”

I listened to someone’s soft footfalls on the stairs with a growing sense of guilt. They were worried about me. They’d done nothing wrong. They hadn’t purposely misled me. I’d done that on my own.

“She’s not down here,” Liam called.

“Why was the door open then?” Darian said.

“So I could climb up to the loft,” I said. “The rain will start in a few minutes. Go to sleep.”

Silence met my grudging response for a few moments.

“Sparrow, why are you up there?” Eadric said.

“Because I want to be alone. Please.”

“All right, Princess. We’re here if you need us.”

I wrapped my arms around myself and blinked back the need to cry. If I needed them? Since the moment I’d crashed into their glade, I’d needed them. Their protection and their help. But they could only give one. The other I needed to earn, and I didn’t know how.

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