Page 88 of Wild Desire

"Great race today," I said to him, remembering he'd come in second in the race I'd run.

He raised his glass in my direction. "Same to you. You looked better than ever."

"Some time off will do that to you." I leaned against the wall.

He raised a brow. "Are you suggesting I get injured so I can rest?"

I smirked. "I'm just saying it worked for me."

He scrutinized me. "It's not just the time away. You seem different."

I sighed, deciding to share with a fellow snowboarder, something I hadn't done in a long time. Jeremy always said not to trust my competitors and to keep to myself. "If you mean I'm less interested in the publicity and parties, then yes, I'm different."

"It happens to everyone at some point. The young guys like the party life, but the ones who want longevity learn to take care of themselves. You guard your time and take care of yourself. Some of the agents have other ideas, but it's best to work with people that share your philosophy." He waved a hand atthe door. "Everyone else is out for themselves. You have to be looking out for you."

For a short time, I had Noelle looking out for me, and it was nice. But it was time for me to create the life I wanted. Not just the one Jeremy told me I should want. "That's good advice. Thank you."

He raised a brow. "I never thought I'd see the day when Killian Wilde wanted my advice."

The elevator opened, and we both stepped out, walking in the same direction to our rooms. "You got any advice for having a life outside of snowboarding?"

Derek chuckled. "I'm not the best one to talk to about that. I let the one woman I ever loved get away. I thought my career was more important. If you make a similar decision, you'll quickly figure out that your life is a string of empty hotel rooms. If you find someone who loves you, hold onto her. I wish I had. Good luck." Without waiting for a response, he swiped his key card and disappeared inside his room.

I'd never talked to competitors about much of anything outside of racing. I'd let Jeremy take the lead and tell me what I should be doing. But I needed to be more aware of my options. Maybe it didn't have to be like this. Did I need to compete year-round? I remember something Lincoln said to me when I first went to see him. I needed to decide how long of a career I wanted, because if I kept going at this pace, I would have to retire sooner rather than later.

I hadn't told anyone that. I didn't want Jeremy to think I was worried about getting reinjured. But I was wondering whether I should be taking better care of myself. Had my schedule led to my injury?

I'd always thought Jeremy had my back, and now I wasn't so sure. I was aware that he profited off my success, but I assumedhe had my best interest at heart. Now I suspected I was just another athlete.

I dropped onto the bed, finally reading Noelle's message saying she knew I could win. Her words filled me with so much love. I wished I'd told her how I felt. I wished I could contact her now. But it felt like there was this divide between us. Almost as if we'd left our bubble and couldn't return.

Should I tell her how I hadn't figured out how to have something with her, and it wouldn't be fair until I did? I wasn't sure that made sense. Telling her I wished she were here wouldn't accomplish anything. She couldn't travel to see me even if she wanted to. She was tied to Telluride with her various businesses and her family.

For now, my life was here, and hers was in Telluride.

Killian: Thanks for believing in me.

For being there for me, for showing me what more there was to life. I couldn't express all of that in a text message. That thanks meant so much more. Even if I couldn't say the words.

I needed to take more control of my career. I shouldn't have spent all my time focused on training and racing. There were other details that mattered too, like the contracts I'd signed, the people I surrounded myself with, and my schedule.

I scoured the contract with my agent, and then I called my attorney. I needed someone on my side if I was going to make some changes.

When I was satisfied that I had a plan ironed out, I went to bed, hopeful that I'd be able to create a life I was happy with. I still had a few more calls to make before I could talk to Noelle. I wasn't sure if she wanted the same thing. But even if she didn't, this pivot was a long time coming.

It took getting injured to see how little control I had over my own life. I should be running my career, not my agent. Jeremy shouldn't be setting my schedule without getting the okay from me first. Maybe I let him get away with it for too long, and it was my fault. But I knew better now. There were better ways to live than this.

In the beginning, I was just thankful for a chance to compete, but now I'd earned my spot. It was time for me to figure out how things were going to be from now on.

Jeremy wouldn't like it. But I was determined to make this change whether he liked it or not. I was prepared to walk away if necessary.

Nothing was more important to me than my family and Noelle. I had plenty of money in the bank. It was time I started racing for the fun of it and not the perpetual climb. There was always something I could be doing, but was it necessary?

What if I took a step back and was selective in the races I competed in? What if that scarcity only heightened the desire for fans? It was a gamble, but I had a feeling I was on the right track. I couldn't wait to talk to Noelle, but I needed everything lined up first.

It wouldn't be fair for me to promise something if I couldn't make it happen.

The next morning, I called a meeting with Jeremy.

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