Page 75 of Wild Desire

"That's all well and good, but you only have a short window to compete. You'll have the rest of your life to spend with your family."

In a few years, Dakota and Joey will be older. That relationship might already be damaged from my absence, and Noelle might move on with someone else, starting a family with someone who lived here in town. I saw everyone moving on without me and I didn't like it. But I knew what I was supposed to say. "I just need to get my head back in the game."

Rick grinned. "That's right. You'll be faster than you were before."

The thought of the work I'd need to put in to be faster was overwhelming. I was just hoping I'd compete at the same level. That this injury wouldn't plague me for the rest of my career. I knew what the press would say every time my race times were a second off.Is it his knee? Maybe it's time for him to retire.

The doubts would follow me, and I'd have to work harder to make them go away. Some never would.

I didn't need the criticism or the pressure, but Jeremy loved to remind me of it. He thought it pushed me harder, and I always thought so too. But now I had my doubts. Since I'd been home and away from him, I'd been able to relax and see things clearer.

I'd begun to question whether I could work at the same level going forward. Was there another way to compete that allowed me to have a life here?

Jeremy would tell me no. That only the successful athletes worked year-round. If I wanted to stay relevant, I had to stay on the mountain.

Rick moved away from me to answer another patron's question. My phone buzzed.

Jeremy: What did the doctor say?

Killian: A few more weeks.

Jeremy: I'll get publicity scheduled.

Killian: We should probably wait for the official word.

Jeremy: I like to be prepared.

I didn't want to permanently injure my knee, so I ignored that. Jeremy didn't care if that happened; he'd move onto the next big thing. He was only worried about making money, and if I was on the couch, it didn't help his bottom line.

Killian: I don't know if I want to do publicity before I race this time.

Jeremy: You have to do it. Everyone will want to talk to you.

Did I have to do it? What would happen if I didn't? I always assumed Jeremy had my best interests at heart, but now I wasn't so sure. Time away helped me see everything more clearly.

19

NOELLE

The last few weeks passed in a whirlwind of resort-assistant duties, physical-therapy appointments, and donut frying. But every night, I came home to Killian, which had quickly become my favorite part of my day.

As much as I was excited that he was feeling better, every new improvement meant he was that much closer to leaving Telluride. I tried to live in the moment and not think about it, but it was hard not to.

When we were watching TV, I'd calculate how many more weeks—or was it days?—we'd have together. At any point, Jeremy could say he wanted Killian to train somewhere else where he could keep an eye on him.

Emails from Jeremy about publicity opportunities had increased. He insisted that doing events before Killian was back on his snowboard would generate excitement for his comeback.

The last time Killian was there, the doctor thought he'd be cleared for full activity at his next appointment.

I knew our time together was coming to an end, but it didn't make it easier.

When I opened the condo door on Friday night, Killian greeted me with a smile. "Tonight, I'm making you dinner."

"That sounds amazing." We'd gotten into the habit of cooking together, especially in the beginning when he wasn't as mobile. But he was getting stronger and more confident every day. He was excited to get back on the slopes, and I couldn't ask him to stay for me.

I dropped my purse on the table by the front door along with my keys, then wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. "What are you making?"

"Lobster with mashed potatoes and broccoli."

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