Page 113 of Unholy Obsession

Shit. The second it’s out, I know it’s one of those inappropriate things to say. If only I could realize this shit before it comes flying out of my mouth. I should probablydefinitelynot be referencing the fact that I used to sometimes fuck her now baby-daddy back when the both of us would get bored at the club. Before he’d met her or I’d met Bane.

Kira sighs, but she smirks, unbothered. “You aresodeflecting right now.”

“Me?” I gasp, pressing a hand dramatically to my chest. “Never.”

She just lifts an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You can’t outrun your own brain forever, you know.”

“Watch me.” I signal the waiter. “Two tequila shots, please! Don’t worry,” I grin. “I know you can’t drink. They’re both for me.”

She sighs.

The ping of my phone saves us both. It’s a message from Anna’s phone.

Splitzy: It’s Mads. We need to talk. Where are you?

I glance around, eyes zeroing in on a bar across the street. I quickly type the name into the phone.

Splitzy: Kay. Be there in fifteen.

I down one of the tequila shots, squinting against the burn, then look to Kira as I reach for my coat. “Gotta go. It’s been so great to catch up.”

Her eyebrows are still furrowed with worry, but I wave my hand. “Oh, stop it. I’m fine. And seriously. I’m so freaking excited for you guys. See you later tonight.”

I drop cash on the table for my part of the meal as I get up, then come around to her, lean over, and hug her hard. “This is the luckiest kid in the universe. I can’t imagine two better parents.”

She squeezes me back. “Take care of yourself.”

“Always!” I say brightly, nodding and smiling hard as I pull back and wave, walking away.

I don’t want her to see I’m just walking across the street to the bar, so I turn the corner like I’m walking back to my car. I didn’t even bring my car; I took the train. But I hang out there for five minutes, then peek around the corner until I figure she’s cleared out. I don’t see her anywhere.

Then I book it across the street, ignoring a car that honks at me, and slip into the bar.

I’m huffing for breath as I land on a barstool.

There’s barely anyone else in here. Probably because, yeah, it’s one p.m. on a Tuesday. But it’s five o’clock somewhere, yada yada, and the tequila in my bloodstream hasn’t nearly got me numb enough to handle this fucking bullshit day yet.

For fuck’s sake. For a second back there, I was actually contemplatingmotherhood. I shudder.

“Two shots of whatever will have me unable to feel my legs the fastest.” I wink at the bartender.

He’s a guy in his fifties who brightens as he tosses a bar towel over his shoulder and starts my way. In the old days, I would’ve started immediately flirting and trying to get him to abandon his bar for five minutes to fuck me in the bathroom.

Once, when a steadfast bartender refused to abandon his register and top-shelf liquor, I snuck around the bar top and gave him a blowy while he kept working.

I stretch my neck against the itch working its way underneath my skin.

Bane might’ve given me permission, as it were, to get it outside our marriage, but knowing how good it is with him, I don’t see how trying to get fucked at some ratty bar by some shitty old bartender or another dumb fuck also getting drunk here at this time of day would feel like anything but cheating. It’d be cheap and stupid and make me feel worse than I already do.

You’re gonna grow up ‘n be a slag just like yur mam, ain’t ya, Moira? C’mon, flip up your skirt and show us your fanny!

Nothing but a two-bit slut.

I could never be a mother. Why would I ever pass down this curse to a kid? I’d be an embarrassment to them. What would their pious father tell them when I ended up in a place like this, fucking around again? Because I alwayswillend up back here. Who the fuck am I kidding?

“Gotta say, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” the bartender says, pouring my shots and placing them on the bar in front of me. “What brings you in, beautiful?”

I down the shots, one after the other, ignoring him. Fire burns my throat as my eyes water and my thoughts spiral darker.

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