Page 55 of The Forever Play

Seriously, this has been the most confusing day ever!

I can’t wait for it to be over.

By the time I clean Zoey up and get her down for a nap, I’m exhausted. I might just take a nap myself, except for the fact that Zander is still standing in the living room, patiently waiting to talk to me.

Shit. I can’t talk.

I can’t handle this right now!

Pulling in a breath, I paste on what I hope is a serene smile and glance at the clock on the wall. “Don’t you have to go?”

He checks his watch, an irritated frown whistling over his face before he sighs. “Yeah, but I’ve got a couple minutes.”

“I don’t want you to be late. I’m assuming it’s football practice, and I know…” I huff, working my jaw to the side and crossing my arms. “You broke up with me for your football career.” I swallow and try to ignore that awful jolt in my stomach as I press on with a little more truth. “At least that’s the main reason you gave me, so… can’t get in the way of that, right?”

Great, now my voice is getting all bitter. I can only imagine what my face is doing. But it’s good. I need a little bitter. Zander made me all soft and squishy when he told me I’m prettier than I was before. He made my heart yearn when he comforted my daughter. Dammit, I can’t let him tear through my defenses so easily. I have to keep my guard up.

I have to protect myself.

So, I raise my chin toward the front door. “Go on. I don’t want you to be late.”

He stays put, his feet firmly planted, his hands stubbornly shoved in his pockets while he stares at me and says in a broken whisper, “What’d you see that day you came to tell me you were pregnant? What did I do that made you want to cut me out?”

Oh shit. He looks so wrecked right now.

I don’t want to have to repeat my nightmare.

But… he’s not going to let this go, is he?

And if I don’t tell him, he’s probably going to think I was being a vindictive bitch or something, right? Punishing him for breaking up with me?

My eyebrows wrinkle as I force the story out of me. I tell him how Dad drove me up to Kelsey U. How it took so long because I kept having to stop and puke.

“I was so nervous… and I was suffering major morning sickness.” I roll my eyes. “All-day sickness.”

He winces like the idea of me suffering that way hurts him too.

I dart my eyes back to the shiny wood floor beneath me and keep going, telling him how I asked around campus, trying to find his dorm, and how every girl I talked to seemed to know who he was.

“I get that I wasn’t your girlfriend anymore, but we’d only been broken up for a couple months, and it really riled me. I didn’t want to believe it, you know? But every person I asked seemed to be a girl, and all of them gave me these blushing, coy smiles like they’d tasted you already, and…” I clench my jaw, shaking my head and having to force myself to keep going. My fingers dig into my arms until it hurts as I grit out the rest. “And then I found your room, and the door wasopen. I looked inside, and I saw you on the bed.” I bite my lips together, unable to continue.

Zander lets out a shuddering breath. “What was I doing?”

I blink and fight the boulder forming in my throat. “You were sitting there, practically naked, and one girlwas sucking you off while the other was playing tongue twister with you. You were fingering her, and…” I shake my head, backing away until I hit the wall behind me. Those images are still so clear, and I hate it. I want to wash them from my mind permanently, but I can’t seem to do it.

I cover my eyes with my hand and smash my teeth together, desperate to hold it all in.

“I don’t remember that,” Zander rasps.

Dropping my hand, I gape at him. “You… what?” My voice gets snappy. “It was you! I saw you!”

“I’m not saying you didn’t.” He raises his hands to calm me down. “I was out of it a lot that year.” He winces, his skin going pale. “I… um… it was a bad year for me, and I got into some… things I shouldn’t have.”

I shake my head in confusion. “What happened to you?”

“I…” His expression buckles, and he looks to the floor.

I give him a minute to explain himself, but he doesn’t say anything, so I let out a soft sigh and get it over with. “Two girls at the same time.”

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