Page 26 of The Forever Play

SIENNA

It’s been nearly a week since I saw Zander at the park, and I’ve been avoiding it ever since. But today the sun is shining, and I can’t resist this cloudless sky. Zoey’s been saying “sanpit” repeatedly all morning, and I can’t deny her that just because I’m worried about bumping into her father.

Besides, it’s a Thursday. He should be in class or at football practice or whatever a college athlete does on a Thursday.

I push the stroller, gazing down the street and playing the game I always try to avoid. The one where I imagine what I’d be doing if I didn’t get pregnant.

I would have gone to college. I didn’t know what I wanted to study, but the idea of going away to school appealed to me. Dorm life seemed fun. Making friends, hopefully some lifelong connections. But that wasn’t my journey. And I wouldn’t give up Zoey for anything.

I love being a mother.

This surprised me, because I was giving birth to her when I was only eighteen, but the moment she was placed on my chest, the love I felt overpowered everything. She became my world. She still is my world, and I adore her. She’s soothed all my stings and burns. She’s made life beautiful again.

“Sanpit!” she squeals, kicking her legs and giggling as I push the stroller to the edge and put on the brakes. “Sanpit!”

“Yes, we’re here. Sandpit.”

“Sanpit!” She points at it, her blue eyes dancing with excitement.

I can’t help laughing at her adorable face as I unbuckle her and lift her out of the stroller. She’s wiggling out of my arms and hitting that gritty sand within microseconds. I watch her run across the undulating surface and laugh again when she flops down and starts making angels. My nose wrinkles as I briefly lament the state her clothes and hair are going to be in after this, but like my mom always says, “Everything can be washed.”

So, I walk right into the massive sandpit with her and take a seat, helping my daughter make mounds of sand so she can jump on them and destroy them.

I roar and call her Godzilla, which she loves. She doesn’t even know what Godzilla is, but she pounds her chest like a gorilla and roars some more, stomping on the newest pile.

“More, Mommy. More.”

Quickly pushing more sand together, I create a new mountain for her to demolish, and she roars again. I can’t help laughing, and she stops to frown at me.

“Don’t laff. Scawee.” She points at herself.

“Oh yes.” I quickly straighten out my expression and pretend to be afraid. “Don’t eat me, Godzilla.”

“Goziwa!” She roars and I wail, raising my arms to protect myself, then bursting into laughter as she jumps on me and tips us both over into the sand.

She pretends to eat me, smearing her dirty cheek across mine—gross—so I tickle her, and we tussle in the sand for a minute before she wiggles out of my grasp, then jumps to her feet and yells, “Foobawl!”

She points behind me, her expression pure joy and excitement.

“Fooball?” I try to work out what she means, glancing over my shoulder and feeling my breath disintegrate when I spot Zander standing on the edge of the sandpit with his hands in his jean pockets, watching us with glassy eyes.

The desperate look on his face makes my insides crumple.

My first instinct is to snatch Zoey and make a run for it.

But for some reason, I stand up slowly. I brush the sand off my pants and turn to face him. Crossing my arms, I try to steel myself against the instant desire pulsing through me and keep my stance assertive. I will not let him affect me the way he used to.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?”

“This is more important,” he rasps, staring down at Zoey when she runs over and wraps her arms around my leg. She smiles up at him, and I brush my hand over her curls, wishing my fingers weren’t shaking so badly.

I stare down at the sand between us, willing myself to look up and glare at him.

But I can’t.

Dammit.

“I’ve been searching every park in the area looking for you guys. Every day I come out here. I didn’t know what else to do. Russell wouldn’t tell me where you were.”

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