“Did you tell her about the part where you protected that girl? How you broke that motherfucker’s jaw for treating his girlfriend that way?”
“I never deserved her. Not after what I let happen.”
“You didn’t let anything happen!” Monica argues. “You saved her.”
“And how many didn’t I save?” I stare at the carpet. “How many times did I turn a blind eye, not wanting to believe the rumors? How many girls got raped because I didn’t?—”
“Stop it,” Monica cuts me off. “You’re not doing this to yourself again, do you hear me? You were cleared of all charges. You didn’t do anything wrong. And you are not responsible for not knowing what was going on.”
I sniff and shake my head. I should have known. I should never have cared about what those fuckwits thought of me. I spent most of that year trying to impress them, and for what?
They turned on me the second I tried to do the right thing.
They tried to destroy my life.
“We got you out. You’ve had a fresh start. You’re a new man. And you are not going to let those fuckwits screw you over again, you hear me?”
“Monica—”
“No, you shut up and listen. You do not give up on Sienna again. She’s the one for you. She always has been. You have a daughter together, and like hell I’m letting you walk away from that because you feel like you don’t deserve them. That’s bullshit! Now, you call her and you tell her the truth, thewholetruth, and nothing but the truth.”
I scrub a hand over my mouth before mumbling, “She’s gonna hate me.”
“She’ll hate you more if you don’t paint a really clear picture of what went down. You’re not guilty, Zander. Stop acting like the villain and start being the hero I know you are.” She huffs and mutters, “Shit, that sounds so fucking cheesy, but you know what I mean.”
Closing my eyes, I swallow down the vomit surging in my throat.
“Call her. Promise me you’ll call her.”
Knowing she won’t let up, I eventually nod and murmur, “Yeah, I’ll call her.”
“And be honest. She deserves it.”
A shudder runs through me, but I nod, then sniff and mutter a goodbye.
Hanging up, I stare at my phone screen, hovering my thumb over Sienna’s name.
One phone call. You can do it, man. Just explain and then apologize. Apologize a million times over.
Gritting my teeth, I tap Sparky on my phone screen, my hand shaking as I raise the device to my ear.
But she never answers.
I try three more times before I finally give up.
Kicking off my shoes, I lie down on my bed, that loathing that used to eat me alive taking over again, devouring my insides one greedy bite after another.
I eventually drift into a restless sleep… and dream about the girl I let slip through my fingers once again.
CHAPTER 51
SIENNA
I spent most of Sunday ignoring Zander’s calls and crying in my bed. Russell didn’t have any prior commitments, so he stepped up and played Daddy for the day. He told Zoey that Mommy was sick and left me alone as much as possible.
Zoey didn’t love it, but she was relatively accepting, and if she got too fussy, Russell managed to distract her.
I was grateful for his help, although the fact that he wassohelpful just made me cry all the more, because Zander should have been doing that job.