Page 122 of The Forever Play

Well, except for Carson’s, but I think he’s faking it when he does his grumpy asshole routine whenever my girls are around. Needless to say, he’s spending less and less time at home. It worries me. That guy can get up to some nasty shit when he’s angsty, but so far I haven’t had to pick his drunken ass up from any parties or bail him out of jail.

Although, he did show up to practice hungover the other day. Dammit.

Coach was pissed and made him stay late after practice to do some extra work. It didn’t help that Carson got all mouthy and turned fifteen minutes into forty-five. Ever since then, he’s been even more agitated. He’s barely home, and I know I can’t keep expecting him to be cool with the living arrangements.

I hate that he’s probably right.

It’s unfair to expect everyone to accommodate Sienna and Zoey for my sake. We really need to figure out a different living situation, but I hate the thought of leaving Football Frat. I love these guys. They’re my family.

But so are Zoey and Sienna.

So for now, I’ll just keep ignoring the problem and pretend like this is all working out the way it’s supposed to.

I love coming home to my woman. She’s so fucking amazing. I don’t always have that much time to give her. Between practices and school, I feel like I’m always working, but she never complains, and we stay up late, whispering together in the darkness on those days we haven’t spent much time together.

She’s so easy to talk to.

We’ve literally spenthourstalking—dreaming about the future the way we used to, making up wild plans that aren’t always realistic, but it doesn’t matter. We’ve caught up on the years we’ve been apart. She’s shown me every photo and video on her phone, so I’ve been able to watch Zoey grow up from birth. Damn, I wish I could have been there. She’s apologized for keeping me in the dark so many times now, just like I’ve apologized for giving her a reason to.

Thankfully, she’ll never find out the worst of it.

The thought of losing her again kills me, so I’m clinging like a fucking limpet.

I try to avoid any conversations to do with Kelsey U, and each time she brings it up, I subtly change the subject. Or not so subtly. The look she gets on her face sometimes is like a punch in the chest. But how can I ever tell her?

The things I did that year are…

My insides twist and writhe as I pull on my pads and get ready for the game ahead.

I’ve been dreading this one all season, and people only think they know why. Last year was bad enough, but playing the Kelsey U Titans this year makes me feel like I’m a flaming torch about to run straight into a powder keg.

Sure, Hodgkins and Williams are long gone. They graduated a few years ago, but Morales and Coplin are still there. Biggs and Whitman are gonna be all over me.

This is my last game against these guys—hopefully they don’t make the playoffs, and hopefully none of them go pro—and I have to make it count.

We lost to them last year, but like hell that’s happening again.

I’m going out there, and I’m going to play some of the best football I ever have.

I have to.

Because I can’t let those demons from my past haunt me anymore.

I’m desperate for a clean slate. I want to be everything Sienna needs me to be. I want to be the kind of father Zoey deserves.

And I’m going to prove myself on this field.

I have to.

Wrestling on my jersey, I try to keep my head on straight as we run through pregame drills, then get our final pep talk from Coach.

It’s a good one, firing us all up until our knees are bobbing and we’re ready to run onto that field like a bunch of warriors.

Busting through the sign, I raise my arms at the home crowd. They’re going wild, jumping to their feet and cheering for us as we run, jump, and acknowledge them.

I scan the stands, wondering if Sienna made it the way she wanted to. I spot Wily’s parents first and then track left, and my stomach sinks.

Shit. She did make it.

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