Page 152 of Wildest Dreams

Bruce wobbled his way back to the door. He grabbed the handle and opened it but stayed on the threshold, throwing me a casual look from over his shoulder. “I expect you to be back at the office on Monday at six thirty in the god-dang morning, Coltridge. Until then, you’re going to get your head outta your ass, go up to Maine, and beg Lil Miss to take you back.”

DYLAN

Imade a mistake.

That much was crystal clear to me even before I parked Jimmy in front of my mother’s house.

It no longer felt like mine. Not that Row’s New York apartment ever did. I understood, as I killed the engine of the car Rhyland had put together from scratch while we still hated each other, that home was not a place; it was a state of mind. And I’d managed to zone into it only when I was around the ridiculously hot, infuriating, charismatic man upstairs.

“Mommy.” Gravity kicked the back of the passenger seat with the new kicks Rhyland had bought for her. A pair of ombre rainbow boots. It was ninety degrees outside, and she’d paired them with a yellow summer dress. “I need to go pee-pee. Let’s go.”

I wiped my cheeks quickly, realizing they were wet with tears. I’d spent the entire day driving here. It was deep into the evening, and now, when I put all these miles behind me and New York, I knew without a doubt that I’d run away because Tucker’s actions had shaken me to the core.

My instincts were to run away.

Run away from danger, from the big city, from men.

Run away from happiness, all to protect me and my daughter.

But my daughter wasn’t in danger with Rhyland. He’d go to war for her and win. He had.

“Yeah, baby. Let’s get you all settled in.”

I pushed my door open and unbuckled Grav. We were greeted by my very relieved Mama and Marty, who fawned over us after the Tucker disaster. Mama made Grav her favorite: chicken nuggets and ketchup pasta, even though, as an Italian from Naples, she found the combination as sacrilegious as vandalizing a church. When Marty asked if he should grab my suitcases from the car, I politely declined. I couldn’t explain why, but I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was back here for good.

We were quiet as Gravity ate, bathed, and was tucked into bed, getting her bedtime story and words of affirmation from both my mother and me. When I closed the door to her room—which didn’t feel like her room anymore—Mama jerked her head silently toward the backyard. There, two glasses of red wine awaited us: the cheap stuff, along with cuoppo rolled around in yesterday’s newspaper. There was an assortment of fried seafood with a slice of lemon tucked inside. Mama used to make us this treat in the summers, since my father was a fisherman and always came home with extras. It reminded her of her own childhood.

We fell into the recliners and listened to the gurgling sound of the wraparound pool.

“You must’ve been very scared.” Mama’s voice pierced the silence eventually.

I pressed the cool glass of wine to my cheek. “I was,” I admitted. “I also had a feeling…I can’t explain it. Like Rhyland was going to come and save the day.”

It was ridiculous, but when Rhyland explained he’d installed a tracker on Mr. Mushroom (RIP), I was relieved but not surprised. Subconsciously, I always knew that if there was a man on this earth who could save me, it’d be him.

“He is a good egg, Rhyland. Always has been.” Mama sipped her wine. “When your brother was younger, before he settled down with Calla, Rhyland took care of him. Moved around with him. I don’t think he’d ever admit it, but it was because he knew Ambrose was messed up here over what happened with his father.” She knocked her fist against her temple. “Row was angry at the world. Angry at what happened with your father. Short-fused. Rhyland was ready to save him from himself. He’s a nurturer. I think he fights it because he doesn’t want to be, but at his core, he knows how to take good care of people.”

I felt like crying again. What was up with my waterworks? I’d made it years without shedding a tear. But I felt miserable for walking away on him. For repaying all Rhyland’s good deeds by abandoning him. I chose to do the one thing that triggered him. Walk away. And I was finding it hard to forgive myself for being here.

“Mama, I think I’m in love with Rhyland,” I said miserably.

“Oh, cara, I know. You’ve been in love with him since you were six.”

“No, I haven’t.” I flashed her a scowl.

She gave me a private smile. “Okay.”

Shit. I had, hadn’t I?

“Then why did you let me go out with Tucker?” I demanded, feeling irrationally upset with her for a mistake I’d made myself.

“Would you have listened?” Mama gave me a “bitch please” look. Neither of us touched our food. She sighed, smoothing out an invisible wrinkle in her housedress. “Look, I knew what you thought of me. You saw me as this little woman who let her husband hit her. You were mad at me for not protecting Row properly from him. And you were right. I was mad at myself too. I didn’t feel like I had the tools and logic to give you life advice when I made such poor decisions for myself.” She pressed her fist to her mouth, tears clinging to her lower lashes. “And by refraining from interfering, I unknowingly sent you into the arms of a very bad man. A man just as bad as your father, as it turned out.”

“No, Mama, I never disrespected you for staying with him.” I pushed my chair closer to hers, putting my hand on hers to stop her from smoothing the wrinkle-less gown. “I was angry at Dad but never at you. You were in a foreign country, in a small, largely unwelcoming town, a mother of two young children. No job, no prospects, no help. I’m sorry if I made you feel…less.”

Now she was crying, and so was I. Not because of Tucker—Tucker was going to prison, I knew. On my seven-hour drive up to Maine, Row had managed to catch me up on all the legwork his private investigator was doing even before the kidnapping scenario. He’d hired someone as soon as he realized Tucker wanted to see Grav. Apparently, my ex had a rap sheet longer than Moby-Dick. He’d accumulated a lot of arrests in several places, including Australia, South Korea, and Greece. From larceny to disorderly conduct and DUI, he pissed off a lot of people in a lot of continents. In fact, it appeared that he returned to the States because no other place would have him.

I was crying because I might have lost the love of my life, all because I was too scared to love him.

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