Page 21 of Saber's Surrender

CHAPTER

THIRTEEN

Saber

I wake up in a fog.At least, I think I’m awake. When I glance down my body because I’m far shorter than I should be, I notice I have tits. My eyes bulge in my head as my hands reach up and grab them.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” I mutter as I test the weight and a giddy chuckle, that should not be amusing in the least, escapes me.

“Listen,” Wrecker demands, “And stop playing with Roxy’s tits, that’s fucking freaky, brother.”

“You think that’s freaky,brother, try being in my shoes,” I hiss. “I have fucking tits and a motherfucking pussy. What are you up to anyway?”

“Listen, learn, and feel,” he says, his voice floating through my mind. “You can feel Roxy up in reality when you get over yourself and admit that she didn’t set out to intentionally hurt you.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever understand what she was doing when she violated my love for her in such a destructive way,” I tell him.

“You will if you shut the fuck up and really pay attention to her thoughts and feelings, jackass.”

“Great, I’m arguing with a figment of my imagination,” I grumble. “Wait until I see you in person, motherfucker. I can’t believe you gave me tits.”

“I didn’t give you anything, Saber. You’re seeing and hearing things from her point of view. Grow the fuck up, Saber. Your son is coming your way, you’re going to be the man he looks up to and mimics. Do you want him to feel your anger and turn that on Roxy?”

“No,” I utter, feeling properly scolded. “I don’t. She may not have been the one who’s raised him for all of these years, but she’s his mother. He needs to give her the respect she’s due.”

“And as the mother of your son, shouldn’t you give that to her too?”

“Stop being logical and shit, Wrecker, it pisses me off.”

“You just can’t stand the fact that you’re wrong,” he exclaims. “Now shut the hell up and learn what she was going through. You weren’t the only one who was in pain.”

Sinking into the background, I pay attention to the voice and thoughts that are not mine.

My eyes clamp shut as I feel hatred and self-loathing.

I felt abandonment but she’s remembering the hunger pains and cramps. The days we nearly froze to death because our foster family wouldn’t turn the heat up and our rooms weren’t insulated. How she’d give me her food and say she wasn’t hungry, when I now know she was starving herself and saying she was okay just so one of us was able to eat.

The contempt of the man and woman who called themselves our parents that was aimed at her every damn day of her life. The feeling of being unwanted consumes her. She knows in her gut that the hard days aren’t in our past but are ahead of us. She doesn’t want to ever lose her grasp over her anger and have Draco feel that. She wants him to experience unconditional love and never know a day of feeling the fear of never knowing if the lights are going to be shut off, if the water bill will get paid and we’d have to go to a truck stop for a shower.

She doesn’t want our little family to have to go to soup kitchens so we have an evening meal to fill our bellies until we wake up the next day and worry about all those things all over again.

“Oh, Foxy Roxy, why didn’t I listen when you tried to tell me all of this?”

“Because your pain was so prominent that nothing else could penetrate it,” Wrecker explains. “Neither of you were able to break down that last wall y’all both had up in order to see what was happening through the other’s eyes. Still, it’s obvious that Roxy didn’t come to her decision lightly, Saber. She agonized over it for weeks before finally trying to talk to you.”

“And I shut her down,” I bitterly mutter. “Too engrossed in my own issues of neglect to see she was hurting.”

“This wasn’t done so you would heap blame on your head, Saber,” Wrecker advises. “It was to show you the other perspective that you didn’t have at the time. Roxy is getting the same.”

“Wait, she’s got my dick?” I ask, suddenly speechless.

Wrecker laughs and then says, “She damn near pulled it off.”

Instinctually, I cup where my junkshouldbe if I was in my body. “How did she react?”

“About the same as you have,” he replies.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve invaded my sleep and planted shit in my head, is it?”

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