Page 30 of The Matchmaker

Get on with the next part of your life. The part of your life that doesn’t include me.Maybe it was inevitable, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

“What about you?” he asks.

“Whataboutme?”

“I know, I know—you’ve sworn off all that.” He rests his elbows on his knees, his gaze intently on mine. “Do you ever think about it? A relationship?”

There’s that question everyone asks. It feels different coming from him.

I try to brush him off with a laugh. “Not this again!”

“Gertie’s sweet as can be.” He leans over and rubs her head. “But I figured eventually you might want a relationship of the human variety.”

Yes,I want to say.I did think about a relationship. Once. With you.

I remember the day he moved back to town. The doorbell rang, and there he was. Like a mirage. At my doorstep holding takeout from Lee’s, my favorite pho place. Decidedly over thegray-skied winters of New York, he’d quit his toxicology fellowship and moved back to Atlanta. We’d sat side by side on this very couch, our steaming bowls of soup resting on the coffee table. I’d chattered on and on about the agency, funny client interactions, trying to fill the room with words, to pretend his liquid brown eyes gazing into my own did nothing to me. That despite our best efforts, the past did not hang heavy in the air.

We finished eating. I warmed a pot of water on the stove for chai. He’d turned to me. Stuck his hands in his pockets—his tell for when he was nervous. For when he was debating if he wanted to say what came next at all. Then—“I was thinking. Since I’m back in town, maybe we should talk about…” Azar gestured to the space between us.

I stiffened. There it was. He’d named the tension in the room.

“I know I promised I’d never bring it up again, but it was so good to see you last month at my parents’ going-away party.” He looked down, studying the wooden floorboards. “It hit me how much I’ve missed you. We were such good friends, Nur. I can’t remember a time we weren’t friends, and it just hasn’t been the same for so long. Now that I’m back…” His voice trailed off, searching for how to finish the sentence, but he didn’t need to. I heard how he emphasized friendship—twice in one breath. I also heard what was left unspoken:Let’s make sure we don’t have any misunderstandings again.

“Our friendship means so much to me too,” I quickly told him. Hoping he didn’t notice the heat rising up my neck.

“Nur, that night, in the dorm—”

“Can we just…never talk about that night ever again? Please?” I tried to smile, but my eyes watered. “You’ve been away for years, and I’m so glad you’re back. I’ve missed you. Somuch. I want our friendship back too. The way it was.” And to make sure he knew I understood, I added, “That isallI want.”

The chai pot had bubbled over on the stove while he regarded me. I tried my best to appear calm, though my nerves pulsed through me like a live wire. Then he smiled. “That sounds perfect, Nur.”

Just like that, the tension had vanished into the ether. I’d accepted his terms. He was my friend again, and we could go back to the way we used to be. We could leave the past where it belonged.

“Nur?” Azar taps my leg, jarring me to the present.

“Sorry.” I clear my throat. “Nothing’s changed on the relationship front for me. I’m good as is. Tell me about Zayna. What’s she like?”

“She’s—she’s fantastic. Hilarious. She loves to travel and try new restaurants. I think you’ll really like her.”

He’s downright chipper, which isn’t a typical Azar mode. He seems so happy.

“She sounds amazing. If you like her, I know I will too. Hopefully I get to meet her soon.”

He looks visibly relieved. “Definitely. Let’s make it happen.”

Suddenly, it dawns on me. “Did you leave Zaynaat the theaterto come here?”

“This was important.”

“Azar…” I lean back into the sofa. Zayna’s going toloveme now. “I should have texted to see if you were busy before unloading on you.”

He locks his gaze into mine. “I want to be here, Nur.”

Headlights brighten the living room. Borzu. I head to the door. I think of what happened with Lilah. The look on Nina’s face when she realized I’d taken a call instead of watching her daughter. She hadn’t even been surprised. Just resigned.Because she knows I put myself first, doesn’t she? I hadn’t even considered that Azar could be busy. I had simply launched into what happened as soon as he answered the phone. For that matter, had I asked Borzu ifhewas free before asking him to come over? Is this who I am? Someone who prioritizes myself over others?

“Thanks for coming,” I greet Borzu. “I hope I didn’t pull you from something important.”

“Not unless you count rewatchingBreaking Bad. It was wild to finally try out my new Tesla in a thunderstorm. The lightning flashing through the glass ceiling was surreal.” He pulls out his laptop and sets up shop on the coffee table as I press my rickety front door shut with a shove of my shoulder. On windy days like today, it can have a mind of its own. “Should we get Darcy?”

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