Page 123 of Flirting Lessons

Taylor nodded. That’s why she’d quit going to therapy a few years ago herself. One more thing to schedule and remember to do and pay for and stress about.

“I wish you’d told me about all this.” She shook her head. “No, I wish I had been a better friend to you; I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me all this.”

Erica wiped her eyes.

“It wasn’t that, I was just in the middle of it and so I felt like I had to hold it all in, because if I let it out to someone, it would be real, you know? Anyway, I said that thing about the bet after Sam left the shower early—which she hadn’t told me she was going to do—and I was mad and resentful, and I took it out on you and I know you don’t want me to say this but I’m so, so sorry. But also…you were spending so much time with Avery this summer, and I felt like you were replacing me with her, and then you guys were dating, and you seemed so happy. And I guess I was kind of jealous of you. That your life seemed so fun and easy and carefree, the way my life used to be. And I know, I know it’s not actually like that, I tried to remind myself of the ways it wasn’t like that, which I guess meant I kept acting shitty to you without meaning to. I really am sorry I did that.”

Taylor didn’t mind Erica’s apology that time. She reached for a tissue and handed it to Erica, then grabbed another one for herself.

“Thanks for saying all of that,” she said. “And thank you for the apology.”

Erica wiped her eyes and squeezed Taylor’s hand.

“Okay, what were you talking about earlier about how I cursed you or whatever? What’s going on with you and Avery? I know I’m into tarot, but I can’t actually curse anyone, you know that, right?”

Taylor laughed at that so hard that tears rolled down her cheeks. Probably not only from the laughter.

“I was just being histrionic.” She stopped and wiped her eyes. “But look, I feel like you’re selling yourself short; I think you could do it if you really put your mind to it.”

“Thanks, but that didn’t answer the ‘what’s going on with you and Avery’ part of that question, you know.”

Yeah, she knew.

“Avery made it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me, not a real one. Sure, she’s had a lot of fun with me, but that’s all she wanted; some fun and flirting lessons and some experience with women and a little—probably a big—ego boost.”

Erica folded her hands together and sat back.

“What do you mean she ‘made it pretty clear’? What did she say that makes you think that’s how she feels about you?”

Taylor shrugged.

“After we left the winery, I told her about what I overheard, and how you bet against us and how Sloane was the only person who was on our side—also, yes, I was a bitch about Sloane, I completely acknowledge that, I’d already told Avery that she was right about Sloane even before I overheard that.”

Erica smiled.

“Yeah, she seems like one of those people who would have a house in all white and beige and never let their children get dirty and who would be super uptight, I know. And she is a little uptight, but she’s not those other things, and she’s been a really great friend to me. I’m glad you realized that she’s actually pretty cool.”

Taylor nodded.

“Yeah. Me, too. But anyway, when I told Avery about the bet and what everyone said about us—well, me, mostly—she just laughed and said, ‘Oh well, let’s make sure the people who bet on us win, and the other people lose, so we’ll break up a few days after Erica has her baby!’ And I laughed, because I thought she was joking, but then she said it again a few hours later, and I realized she was serious. She also doesn’t believe in us, like everyone else at that party.”

Erica was silent for a minute.

“Then I guess the question that I have for you is, how do youfeel about Avery? Because her reaction is bothering you a lot more than I would have guessed that it would. Do you want more with her? Do you think your relationship could be serious?”

Erica said all of that in the same tone of voice people use when they’re trying not to frighten baby animals. Taylor couldn’t even be offended.

“Um.” She took a deep breath. “The thought of not being with Avery…it really hurt. Things have been so good with her. She just…she likes me, she accepts me for who I am, who I am right now, you know? Like, we’re so honest with each other, we’re so comfortable with each other, I can talk to her about things that I don’t talk to most people about. Some of the stuff that I don’t like about myself or find frustrating about myself are things that she likes about me, which I still can’t believe. I want to spend as much time with her as possible, which isn’t the way I’ve felt about most people I’ve dated. You know that. You know I like my space when I’m dating someone. But with Avery, it feels like I can have space while I’m around her. That I can bring her along to hang out with my friends and I still get to relax and have fun, that I can just sit on the couch and do nothing at her place with her sitting on the other corner of the couch working or watching TV or whatever, that it’s fun to even do things like go to the stupid grocery store with her. I thought I had to have everything all figured out about my life, before I tried to build any sort of life with someone else, but now…” Taylor pushed her fingers through her hair. “I guess that should all be in the past tense, though. Because now that I think I want this thing between us to be big, serious, something that could go the distance, it’s only because I found out she wasn’t thinking that way at all.”

Erica shook her head.

“Okay, wait, are you determining this just because Avery made a joke about how you guys should break up so I would lose the bet? Did you talk to her about this?”

“Yes! I told you! She brought it up again, and that’s when I realized she wasn’t joking, except for how she thinks everything about our relationship is a joke! She thought the whole bet thing was funny—she tried to be nice about it because I was clearly so upset, but I could tell—and she even had an idea for what to do if we wanted to break up before you have the baby! We just wouldn’t tell anyone so we could make sure the people who bet on us win the bet. Isn’t that great? This relationship feels different to me; I don’t want to give up on it, but it’s just a big joke to her. Whenever we break up, it doesn’t matter to her at all.”

“But it matters to you?” Erica asked. “When you break up, or if you break up at all?”

“YES!” Taylor couldn’t help but yell. “What have I just been saying to you?”

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