Page 21 of Save the Date

“No! No. He’s just… He doesn’t get when I’m joking. And every time I say something, even if it’s not that smart, he looks at me like I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread.”

“I’m having a hard time locating the problem here,” Jackie replied. “Are you complaining because Rob likes youtoomuch?”

“Yes! No. I think Imani was right and he just likes the idea of me, not me as an actual person. Also, I think I maybe hate him.” Emma hadn’t meant to add that last part, but now that it was out, she knew it to be true and her desire to flee quadrupled. “I need an excuse to leave right away that won’t completely destroy his already dangerously fragile ego. And you lie better than me. I need your best stuff. Please.”

Instead of responding, Emma heard Jackie talking to someone else in the background, followed by a distinctly male murmur.

“Emma, we think you might be overreacting a bit. Isn’t this guy a doctor?”

“Yeah…” Emma replied, already nervous as to where this was going and vaguely annoyed that Chris was involved in what she had hoped was a private conversation.

“And your main issue is that he likes whatever you’re saying too much?”

“It’s more than that. I don’t think I’m attracted to him.”

“Because of his looks?”

“No. He’s good-looking.”

“Because of his smell?”

“I haven’t noticed his smell.”

“Well then, you are definitely overreacting. He’s probably just nervous. If you find a good-looking, nice doctor who doesn’t smell and is obsessed with you, you don’t just walk away because things are a little awkward at first. That would be insane.”

From what sounded like a far distance she heard Chris shout, “Super insane!”

“Don’t say ‘insane.’”

“We won’t if you act normal for once. Now go out there and get a better sniff.” Jackie hung up the phone, leaving Emma to fend for herself. Which, quite frankly, Emma was not prepared to do.

When Emma left the bathroom—far too many suspicious moments after she went in—she was shocked to see Rob had moved over to the couch and dimmed the lights. He patted the seat next to him as though this was the inevitable progression of a great evening. Emma looked longingly toward the front door before making her way over to the neutral-smelling radiologist. She tried to remind herself that sometimes a physical barrier needed to be broken in order to break down an emotional one—or at least she’d been told some version of that at summer camp when her bunk mates had pressured her to kiss a boy shehad never eventalkedto before. She’d gone for it, and they had somehow ended up “dating” the rest of the camp session even though they continued not to speak. It was a confusing lesson at the time.

But this wasn’t the summer of ’02 anymore; the stakes were higher. She wasn’t just looking for a boy to hold sweaty hands with while avoiding eye contact during the talent show—she was looking for a life partner. And sometimes that required searching in unexpected places. She decided to push through her growing sense of ick and sat down.

“Hi,” Emma said.

“Hi,” Rob replied.

As he stared deeply into her eyes, Emma wondered why she had never enjoyed the lead-up to a first kiss. She always felt anxious to get it over with. That’s why her favorite ones were when she was taken by surprise and didn’t even have time to panic. Like how on the night she met Tony he had simply leaned in and kissed her goodbye as though they were already a couple. Her brain didn’t even get to process what had happened until she was safely tucked in her Uber on the ride home. No anticipation anxiety, just the afterglow of realizing something magical had happened to her without her having to orchestrate it first.

“Can I kiss you?” Rob asked with a slightly deeper voice than normal. It reminded her of the guy from Moviefone, which was not an association that put her in the mood to do anything other than see a blockbuster.

“Um…sure.”

Rob closed his eyes and leaned toward her mouth. As their lips connected, Emma tried to be in the moment and shut off her overactive brain. But all she could think about was the repetitive motion of Rob’s tongue. She wondered if he knew that not all kissing had to be of the French variety. After about fifteen seconds of more of the same—likeexactlythe same—Emma knew she had to get home to her toothbrush. And she realized she might have just the right play to get herself there.

“I want to get married,” Emma blurted out as she pulled away from his still-open mouth.

Rob took a moment to process what she had nearly shouted before breaking into a grin. “I want to get married someday, too.”

Emma shook her head, leaning into the role of a slightly more unhinged version of her true self. “No. I want to get married soon. Like on the same day I was supposed to get married the first time.”

Rob sat back on the couch. “Okay…” He seemed interested instead of repulsed, which wasn’t what Emma was looking for.

“Like I want to find a replacement groom and sort of just swap him in for Ryan so I can continue with my life as planned. I already have the venue and everything. It would be exactly the same wedding as I was previously planning with someone else.”

Rob nodded as though what she was saying wasn’t completely bonkers. She needed him to see the light and kick her out.

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