Page 57 of Easton

Our eyes meet, and fuck, I know she cares about me and about us. She must see that I feel the same way, as she averts her gaze quickly.

I’m no better; I do the same.

What is wrong with us?

Why can’t we move past this and just admit we have feelings for each other?

In my case, I guess I’m afraid. I’m in love with Claire, but I don’t want to fuck up what we have.

Maybe she feels the same way.

So we’re at an impasse.

“No,” she says out of the blue.

Huh?

“No what?” I ask.

“No, I haven’t taken a vow of chastity. But there are no prospects on the horizon at the moment. I can tell you that.”

I release a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

I also want to say, “Thank God.”

But instead I go with a casual “None for me either.”

“Okay.” She nods. “Then I guess we’ll worry about how to deal with that situation when it comes up for one of us.”

Sighing, I reply, “I guess we will.”

Shit, I hope it never does come up.

If she ever wants to fuck some man other than me, I don’t know what I’d do.

Maybe kill him?

An awkward silence descends, and Claire says, “I think I’m going to go up to bed now.”

I sigh. “Yeah, me too.”

We go to our separate rooms and separate beds, and the impasse continues.

Iwake up, and as I lie in bed staring up at the ceiling, the only thing I can think is that I love that stupid man. But there are days, like today, that I wish I didn’t. Life would be so simple then. We could continue our not-real marriage, and no one would care if the other was caught kissing someone else.

“But I do care,” I mutter.

I linger in bed all morning and then take a leisurely shower. By the time I’m bopping down the stairs in running shorts and a loose sweatshirt, it’s almost one o’clock.

I expect Easton will be off doing something, but when I step into the kitchen, he’s standing over by the counter making a sandwich.

Ugh, I was hoping to avoid him for a while, fearing that things might be weird today.

But when Easton hears me and turns around, he’s smiling like our late-night discussion never happened.

Or that it hasn’t changed a thing.

I hope that’s the case.

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