Page 40 of Easton

But no, this is for the best.

I’m just sleepy and not thinking straight.

But still, I have to ask myself—is this one of those weird moments we have, or is that what I really want?

Well, it’s not going to be answered tonight.

As tired as I am, I can’t sleep. All I can think about is Claire sharing with me that she wishes I were her first.

I wish I had been too.

And I wish that she’d been mine.

True, I wasn’t skilled like I am now. But despite what I told her, I know I would have made it better for her than the stupid douche who took her virginity. I’m sure of that because I cared about Claire back then.

“You still care about her now,” I whisper out loud.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

But I don’t want to fuck this up.

What we have is just so good. I can’t lose her as my friend.

I lost her once.

I can’t lose her again.

So things must remain as they are, no matter where my heart is pulling me.

This is my last thought before I doze off.

That weekend we have a home game on Friday, then a rare day off on Saturday. No practice, no drills, nothing. Because of the downtime, Lennox calls me to let me know he’s decided to hosta small gathering at his house this evening. There will be some appetizers and drinks and a chance to chill out before we go on the road for some games next week.

I tell him, “I’m in.”

“What about Claire?” he asks.

“I’m sure she’ll want to come too.”

But after we disconnect, I figure I better make sure of that.

I seek her out, finding her in the laundry room.

After filling her in on the party details, I lean on the door frame and ask, “So, what do you think? Do you want to go?”

“I do, but…” she says, sighing as she takes out a bunch of towels from the dryer and plops them on the top. She then turns to face me. “Unfortunately, I already made plans with Madison to go see a movie with her tonight.”

Ugh.

I am beyond disappointed.

But then I have an idea. “How about if you ask Madison if she’d like to come to the party with us instead?”

Claire laughs. “Oh, I’m sure she would. But I thought the idea was to keep her and Lennox far, far apart?”

“It was,” I concede, chuckling. “And it still is. But how much can go wrong in one night? I mean, Lennox is hosting the party. It’s not like he can sneak off with her and do God knows what.”

“Ha,” Claire barks out. “Clearly, you haven’t seen Madison in action.”

---