Page 82 of Reckless
They think I’m mad with grief over a man who felt little more than disappointment and obligation for me.
How absurd.
How absurd to grieve a man who loved power more than his sons. How absurd to grieve a man who offered me no praise. How absurd to grieve a man who could never be pleased.
How unfair to grieve such a man.
So, I won’t any longer. I’m done with it. Truly.
I miss who I was before finding him with a dagger buried in his neck. I miss the brother I was to Kai and Jax, miss sweaty days in the training ring. I miss running away from balls to drink until sunrise. I miss running from responsibility in general.
Kai and I were good. Especially so after Ava. We became impossibly closer with every night he spent fighting tears in my bedroom. I remember stealing alcohol from the cellar for the first time after it all, remember spitting out the first sip.
How odd that some of the fondest memories now were anything but in the moment.
Though I doubt I’ll grow fond of the life I’m now living anytime soon. I may not even live long enough to look back and miss the days I hated.
My fingers brush the top of the box, feeling the significance of it with each swipe. I don’t want to hate every day. Maybe I won’t have to hate every day. Maybe this is for the best….
I roll my shoulders, the ones now carrying the crushing weight of this kingdom.
And then I manage to find a relatively clean sheet of parchment.
This letter is for him.
For the man I’m sick of mourning.
This letter is addressed to the grief he’s left me to grapple with.
The grief he doesn’t deserve to make me feel.
The next letter is to her.
They usually are.
She makes for quite the muse.
Or maybe she’s just easy to think about, easy to translate into words.
I pour my thoughts onto the page.
She should be back by now.
Another smudge of ink.
She should be back by now.
The paper tears beneath my pressing hand.
She should be back by now.
I add the parchment to the pile.
CHAPTER 32Kai
“Slice.”
My brow furrows, waiting for her to continue.
