Page 110 of Reckless
There are more of us now—at least a dozen. Our little Resistance is growing. I’ve started training Ordinaries to “adopt” an ability, help them join society instead of hiding in abandoned buildings. Most take on the Hyper ability since it’s the easiest lie.
I’m still being summoned to the castle for fever season. The king’s bribes are tempting, but I play my part as a Healer and return to the slums.
Every time.
I eagerly flip the page, finding a different topic scribbled there.
I met an Ordinary girl. Well, a woman. She caught the fever while living in the slums, which usually means death. But I happened to find her in time. She’s beautiful—a complete distraction as I worked. Something about her soul seemed to call to mine. I’m determined to marry her.
I finally did it. I married her.
I’m going to be a father. Alice has been throwing up all morning with a smile on her face. She’s convinced it’s a girl.
Tears threaten to fall as I read of the mother I never met. Through blurry vision, a date catches my eye, forcing my frantic fingers to a stop. “This one’s from three weeks before I was born,” I say quietly, looking up to find Kai staring intently.
She lost too much blood. I couldn’t stop it. I’m a damn Healer and I couldn’t even save her. I buried her in the backyard with our baby. She was right. It was a girl.
My heart stops. Time slows.
“I buried her in the backyard with our baby.”
I shake my head, ignoring the hand Kai places on my knee. “I… I don’t understand. Father said she died of illness when I was a baby but…”
I trail off, tearing through the pages until I find the next entry.
I wasn’t planning on writing in here after Alice. I wasn’t even planning on having an “after Alice,” but I woke to a bangon my door last night. Yet when I opened the door, no one was there. That is, until I looked down.
And there she was. A baby girl.
Someone left her on my doorstep. She can’t be more than a few weeks old with a head full of silver hair and deep blue eyes. She’s beautiful. Alice would tear up at the sight of her.
I’m going to be a father. This is what Alice would have wanted. She already had a name picked out anyway.
A tear splatters onto the parchment, drowning the ink.
I think Kai might be saying something, but I can hear nothing past the ringing in my ears. My head is spinning, heart pounding, breath catching in my throat because I can’t seem to swallow it. I can’t breathe. I can’t—
“Hey.” Kai’s rough hands on my face rip me from my thoughts. “Hey, look at me. You’re all right.”
I reach around his arms to viciously wipe at the tears leaking from my eyes. “No, I’m not all right!” I finally suck in a breath, blinking back the flood of emotion behind my eyes. “This can’t be right. I won’t believe it,” I sputter, repeating Kai’s own words. “This means… I was an orphan before I even lost my father.” A hysterical sob slips past my lips. “And that would make my whole life a lie.”
Kai shakes his head, expression stern. “No. Your life isn’t a lie, you hear me?” He lifts my face up, forcing me to look at him. “Just because you don’t share the same blood, it doesn’t mean he wasn’t your father. He raised you as his own. He chose to love you.”
Everything he’s saying makes sense—and I hate it.
I want to rage, want to scream, want to sit here and feel sorry for myself. Because a part of me feels betrayed, feels deceived by the man I called Father.
I silently flip to the next entry as Kai’s hands slowly slip from my face. I can feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to break.
But I’m tired of breaking. Tired of having to lug around pieces of myself that I’m too tired to fit back together.
I sniffle, returning my eyes to the page and continue reading numbly.
Without Alice, my only purpose now is the Resistance. It’s all that keeps me going. That, and Paedyn.
Tears splatter onto the page once more at the sight of my name. The pad of Kai’s thumb swipes across my cheek, stealing the tear from my skin. “Talk to me,” he murmurs, leaning close enough that I can’t ignore him.
I shake my head, struggling to swallow the emotion clogged in my throat. “The truth, then?”
