Page 111 of Reckless
He nods. “The truth, always.”
I take a shaky breath, fighting tears between each one that follows. “I’ve spent my whole life accepting the fact that I would never truly be able to live it. I’m an Ordinary, and that’s fine—I’m living with it. I’ve come to terms with what I am not, and I’ll deal with it until the day I die. But—”
He takes my shaking hand into his own, urging me on with a single steady look. “But I’ve paid my dues, haven’t I?” The words are a gasp, as though they were ripped from my throat. “Have I not suffered enough? I am already nothing, but now I belong to no one. The one thing in my life that was right and real and mine alone has been ripped away from me.” I take a shuddering breath, blinking blankly into the fire. “Just like everything else.”
He’s shaking his head at me, reaching up a hand to push stray hairout of my face. “You cannot be nothing when you are everything to someone else.” My eyes climb up to his, finding them avoiding mine. It takes several heartbeats for him to open his mouth, spilling words that sound unsure. “And that is what you were to your father. Whether or not he was your flesh and blood. He loved you more than most.”
His words hit me hard—a reminder of how anything is better than what he endured by a man who truly was his father. I quiet, attempting to calm my breathing. Then I’m flipping the page, ignoring the unshed tears welling in my eyes. I force my eyes to focus, to continue reading. His words are my distraction, his handwriting a comfort.
I met a Fatal today in the streets. He pulled me into an alley and whispered that he wanted to help with my idea—which he only knew about because he happened to be a Mind Reader.
We talked for hours about the struggles he’s endured and how he wants to see Ordinaries and Fatals free once again. But we first need to find those who are hiding in plain sight.
“Calum,” I whisper, knowing exactly who this Mind Reader is. The next page is a hurried collection of several days.
Calum has found us three more Ordinaries already. He scours the streets, reading thoughts until he finds a mind that screams their secret. His method is much quicker than mine. We all met tonight to discuss our plans.
Several of our Ordinaries haven’t been to a meeting in weeks. I’m beginning to worry that something has happened. Likely an Imperial’s doing.
We’ve cleared out the cellar beneath the house to use for meetings. There are too many of us now to go unnoticed. I fashioned a bookshelf over the cellar door, concealing the entrance in case we get unexpected visitors.
I thumb through the pages, skimming over years of growing the Resistance.
I’ve appointed leaders to different sectors of the slums. We can no longer all meet at my house. Now, just us leaders hold meetings to discuss how the Resistance is doing. We have plans to confront the king and his lies, but we are much too weak to attempt that now. Maybe in the next few years.
“Gray.”
He says my voice softly, attempting to wake me from my stupor. Ignoring the concern crinkling his brow, I furiously flip through the remaining pages. Blank parchment stares back at me until my fingers still on a longer log.
I forgot about this journal. Apparently, it’s been six years since I last wrote in here. There’s not much to say other than how big Paedyn is getting.
It’s clear now why she was left on my doorstep. She’s Ordinary. Her parents didn’t want to deal with hiding a child. And, damn, are they missing out on her.
She’s got this fire about her. This quickness. I’ve been training her differently, more extremely. I never want her to feel anything but strong. And when I noticed how observant she was as a young child, I figured it was best to stick to herstrengths. So I’m sharpening that little mind of hers into a weapon to protect herself with. As a “Psychic,” she can do more than pass as an Elite, more than survive. She can live.
I told her about Alice. Except the truth of how she died. Pae thinks it’s illness that took her away from us shortly after she was born. I’ve lost sleep trying to decide if I should ever tell Paedyn the truth. But I am the only father she’s had, and even in death, Alice is her mother.
Ink smudges down the page, smearing as though he shut the book in a hurry. I ignore the look of growing concern painting Kai’s face as we continue to read the next page dated several years later.
I haven’t told her about the Resistance. I will. Eventually. It has gotten more difficult to hide it from her as she’s gotten older. I don’t know why I haven’t told her. Maybe I don’t want to get her involved. Maybe she’s still just my little girl despite how strong she’s become. Even though she doesn’t need it, I want to protect her for as long as I can. And being a part of the Resistance is dangerous. The king knows of us now, his Imperials ordered to be on the lookout.
Maybe it’s best she doesn’t know until the Resistance is ready to make a move. Maybe it’s best she stays my little girl for as long as possible.
I flip the page, my vision blurry.
Nothing.
My fingers fumble with the corners, tearing through each piece of parchment only to find them empty.
When my thumb meets the back cover, I stare at the leather bindingrepresenting the end of his life. The closing of a chapter. “That’s it,” I whisper. “That’s the last entry he wrote.”
I’m tired. Too damn tired to find the energy to feel anything more. So I slump against the stone, shoving the journal back into my pack.
Kai watches, running his eyes over me. He looks hesitant to interrupt my lack of thoughts. “Are you okay?”
I rub my hands over my eyes, feeling tears tickle my fingers. Then I settle my blank stare on him. “I always find a way to be.”
CHAPTER 40Kai
