Page 78 of I Can't Even

“Well, I for one am glad you’re going to tell them the truth,” I said. “As we surfers know, the only way out of something is through it.”

“I know. I’m sorry I caused a problem for you, Jules,” she said. “I knew he’d be angry, but I figured since you two were doing the horizontal mambo again, he’d mellow out about us leaving town together.”

“Well, he’s likely still feeling betrayed. He doesn’t know about Babs and our huge fight, her ultimatum, or that she’s not my mom,” I said.

“You haven’t told him about Babs?” Jessie asked. “Why not?”

“We’ve been a little preoccupied,” I said. “And I just didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want the past to taint the present and I’m struggling to figure out how I feel about everything never mind explain it to someone else.”

“Jules, I say this with great love, but you need to get your shit together,” Jess said. “I know it was one hell of a complicated mother-daughter thing you two had going, and I can only imagine how much more complicated it became when you found out she wasn’t your mother, but this is stuff you tell your boyfriend, like, right away. I hate to say it, but you need to figure out whether you want Liam in your life or not and if you do, you have to let him all the way in...and not just in your womanly portal so to speak.”

“Oh, god, I’m such an idiot,” I said. “What am I going to do, Jessie? He’s the love of my life and I’ve probably lost him...again.”

Jessie wrapped her arm around me and pulled me in for a hug. We were standing in the kitchen in front of the window, which looked out across the yard into Liam’s house. I saw his silhouette in the room opposite just before the window shades slammed down. The thought of losing him permanently twisted in my chest like an unsharpened knife blade. I really didn’t think I would survive it this time.

Chapter Twenty-four

I did not sleep. I could not eat. Every minute that passed I knew Liam was thinking the worst of us, that we had just cut him out of what was happening with Jessie and left town without a backward glance. I wanted to run next door and demand that he listen to me, but being impulsive hadn’t worked for me before so I forced myself to wait until Liam cooled off. I knew he wouldn’t be in a place to hear me until he had settled down.

Oh, man, we sure were going to laugh about this big ol’ misunderstanding in the future, right? Yeah, right.

Em came home in the early evening, saying something about Soph and one of the artists at the festival hitting it off and that Soph would be home later. I wasn’t really paying attention, but I hoped it wasn’t Sadie of the ceramic va-jay-jays. Then Em headed back out, leaving me to my brooding.

Spaghetti and Meatballs had made themselves right at home on Babs’s divan. I was surprised her ghost didn’t appear to shriek about cat hair on the furniture. I checked the urn on its spot on the windowsill. It didn’t glow or rattle or anything. Amazing.

I kept one eye on Liam’s place while I worked at the kitchen table. I thought I heard a car pull up outside, but by the time I got to the window, the car was gone, and no lights were on in his house. Must’ve been another neighbor. Too bad. I would have used any excuse to go see him in the middle of the night even if it was to yell at him to keep the noise down.

Jessie had texted that she was going to talk to her parents in the morning, so I tabled my worry about Liam to focus on Jessie. I spent the next day with my phone right beside me. Jessie’s ring tone was Shoop, and I had never wanted to hear Salt-N-Pepa coming out of my phone as badly as I did that day. The morning dragged on.

Finally, at half past ten, my phone lit up. I snatched it into my hand without even waiting for the tune to start.

“What happened? How did it go? How’d they take it? Were they mad? Are they coping? Are you okay?” I fired questions like I was using an automatic weapon.

“Whoa, slow down, sweetie,” Jessie said.

Then she started to laugh. It was the confused laugh of a person feeling unexpected emotions. Maybe everything was going to be all right.

“They disowned me,” she said. So not all right then.

“No!” My heart did a free fall from my chest to my feet, and I felt woozy. All these years, the one thing Jessie had been terrified of was that her parents would cut her loose if they discovered the truth; that she would lose their love simply for being herself and now she had.

“It’s okay,” she said, but her voice was thick, and I knew it wasn’t.

“Oh, Jessie.” Tears coursed down my face and my chest ached.

“No, really, it’s cool.” Jessie cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “Because you know what, Jules? I’m free. I don’t have to hide or pretend or bullshit them anymore. If they want me back in their lives, they can find me. I told them I’d leave the door open.”

“I just can’t believe it.” And I really couldn’t. I had known Jessie’s parents since we were kids. They loved their child so much. How could they disown her now just because her path wasn’t one they understood? I was a bit sick and a lot angry. “I’m going to go talk to them.”

“Ah, no, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jessie said.

“Why not?” I protested. “Maybe they’ll listen to me. They like me.”

“Yeah, there was some discussion, and by that, I mean yelling at optimum volume, that maybe your tomboy ways led me astray.” Jessie sounded like she was trying not to laugh.

“Come again?” I shook my head, truly at a loss.

“It was one of many theories being batted around, you know, after pearls were clutched and a fist went into the wall.”

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