Page 76 of I Can't Even

On that fateful night, when Babs and I had the mother of all blowouts, Jessie had found me walking on the side of the road. Her car had been packed to bursting as she was leaving town. When she heard about my situation, she asked me if I wanted to come with her. I didn’t even hesitate. I jumped in the car, and we took off. Halfway to New York in the middle of Oklahoma—Oklahoma OK, my ass—Jessie confessed to me that she was really a woman and, oopsie, she had been in love with Liam for years.

The crazy thing was that Jessie had never resented my relationship with Liam. She had loved us both. Although she was in love with Liam, she had frequently wished that she’d been in love with me instead because she thought she’d get over me more easily than Liam. I understood this completely. Liam was the sort of person who inspired deep and abiding love, which was probably why I had never gotten over him either.

The thought of what Liam would make of Jessie’s arrival made my stomach cramp. Maybe Jessie coming out to everyone was for the best. I hoped I wasn’t being selfish for acknowledging how much easier it would make things for me and Liam, but it totally would. I wouldn’t have to keep the secret anymore, which was such a relief.

“Since you’re here and about to have a tell-all, would it be all right if I told Liam?” I asked.

“Yes.” Her answer was decisive but then she added, “Just let me tell my parents first. I can’t risk them finding out secondhand. It would kill them. You understand?”

“Absolutely, of course,” I said.

Jessie looked so bleak that I reached across the table and squeezed her hand.

“It’ll be okay,” I said. “Do you want me to go with you to talk to them?”

“No, every time my mother sees you, she gets fixated on the two of us giving her bambinos.” Jessie shook her head. “It would just confuse her.”

“Gotcha,” I agreed.

We spent the next hour role playing different ways for her to tell her parents while the cats scampered around the house, mostly Spaghetti, which was a vast playground for them compared to my tiny Brooklyn apartment. We debated what she should wear, super girly dress and heels or more like a long-haired guy and pretend to be a gay man. Jessie rejected that because she knew Dante would never go for it. He wanted full transparency. Oh, boy.

In the end, we decided it would be best if she just came right out and told them, while wearing her best Tadashi Shoji and carrying her favorite Kate Spade bag. Much like Babs, Jessie firmly believed that fashion makes the woman.

Em and Soph hadn’t returned by the time I walked her to the door. Jess was staying at a nearby resort, believing a full spa treatment might help her get through the next couple of days. I wondered whether I should call my sisters or deal with the as yet unanswered text from Liam on my phone. Probably, I should deal with the text. I glanced at his house wondering how his conversation with Courtney had gone. I was trying very hard not to worry, not to be jealous, and not to fret. I was failing exponentially at all three.

“Hey,” Jessie paused on the doorstep. “I’ve been all about me and you look worried. Is everything okay?”

And that, right there, was why Jessie and I had remained besties all these years. We knew each other’s tells and genuinely cared about one another.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. She had enough on her plate. She did not need to add worrying about me to it.

I studied the woman who had been my friend when I had none, who had let me cry all over her shoulder when my heart had been shredded over leaving Liam. Together, we had carved out new lives for ourselves three thousand miles away and for the most part we had succeeded, and yet, here we were back in the place it had all started. It just proved that you could never outrun your past, no matter how fast or how far you ran.

“Come here,” Jess said. “Come in for the real thing.”

She held her arms open, and I stepped into them, comforted by the familiar feel of my gal pal, her warmth, her own particular scent, a delicate perfume that always reminded me of nights out in the city. Despite the pain of our mutual heartbreak, we’d had a lot of good times, too.

“It’s going to be okay, girlfriend.” Jess pushed some of my curls back from my face and kissed my forehead like a mother comforting a child.

“Am I interrupting something?” At the sound of Liam’s voice, Jess and I jumped apart.

Jessie’s eyes were wide with shock. She hadn’t seen Liam since we’d left nine years ago. This had to be excruciating. I clutched her hand in mine. I had no idea if Liam would recognize her or not, but if I lied to him now, I knew with a certainty I’d only felt about one other thing in life—white chocolate is not really chocolate—that there would be no coming back from it. Still, it wasn’t my secret to tell. I left it to Jessie.

“Not at all.” Jessie squeezed my hand once before letting go. Then she did the bravest thing I’d ever seen anyone do. She turned and looked Liam right in the eye and said, “It’s good to see again, Liam.”

Liam frowned. He studied Jessie’s face. There was no light of recognition. “I’m sorry. Have we met?”

Jessie’s expression was bittersweet. “A long time ago.” She looked at me and I nodded. Jess turned back to Liam and said, “It’s me, Jessie, well, Jessica now. Jessica Lopez.”

Liam’s eyes narrowed and then went wide. He turned to me, two spots of color burning on his cheeks. “Is this a joke?”

“No,” I said, my throat tight. “No joke.”

His head whipped back to Jessie. I saw the second the recognition hit. Jessie had always had fine features, a real pretty boy, with wide brown eyes, a thin nose, and full lips. And her smile, her smile was a killer, with full lips over straight white teeth, I’d seen her dazzle lesser men with that smile. She gave him a shy version of it now.

“Surprise,” she said.

Liam shook his head. He staggered back a step. He looked at me. “How long?”

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