Page 36 of I Can't Even

Together, we became a frenzy of heat and desire. I met him thrust for thrust, raising my hips and bringing him deeper inside. Sweat poured off of him, dripping onto my chest and making our skin slick. He let go of one hip and fisted a hand in my hair. He pulled me up to meet his kiss and his tongue dove into my mouth mimicking the possession below until I felt wholly consumed by him.

The orgasm when it started made me catch my breath. Slicing me wide open on the razor edge of pleasure and pain, I cried out into his mouth as I was torn apart by the euphoria that ripped me asunder. My body convulsed around his, causing him to thrust deep inside again and again until his own body went tight, locked with mine, as he came with a shout and a groan and collapsed on top of me in the spent embrace of a lover.

It was the same sound he used to make when he came inside of me and the feel of him holding onto to me as if I was all that grounded him to this place and time, that, too, was poignantly familiar. Again, I was filled with the sense of coming home.

I was half afraid that I was blacking out so intense was my release and I held onto him, trying to get my bearings. Liam was having none of it, however. He pulled my arms from around his neck and pushed away from me. He staggered to his feet, removed the condom and tied it off before tossing it in the trash. He tucked himself back into his jeans and zipped them up.

His shirt was still undone but he didn’t seem to care. Liam stared down at me but instead of the soft gaze of a man becoming reacquainted with the lover of his youth, he looked cold and hard and emotionally removed.

“Well, that’s that then,” he said.

“Excuse me?” I blinked at him not understanding.

“This,” he said. He gestured in between the two of us. “We’re done now. I just needed to get you out of my system.”

“Out of your system?” I repeated. Horror chilled the blood pumping through my veins, making my entire body grow cold. He wasn’t searching to reconnect. He was looking to fuck and forget. The bottom dropped from my stomach.

“You heard me.” Liam didn’t meet my gaze but instead attempted to fasten his shirt buttons. Irritated with his own shaky fingers, he gave up and glared at me. “What did you think this was, Blumer? A reunion? You left me. You left me without saying a word, no goodbye, no note, no nothing, and you took off with my best friend. Surely, you didn’t think there was ever any coming back from that, did you?”

“But there’s so much I—”

“No, there isn’t.” Liam tipped his head to the side and then ran the back of his hand over his mouth. “There is nothing between us. I wanted to fuck you to make sure that what Jessie took away from me all those years ago wasn’t worth having anyway. And guess what? I was right.”

Chapter Twelve

Liam went back to fastening his shirt as I remained stretched out on the bed, naked, vulnerable, and more devastated than I ever could have imagined. It felt as if Liam had reached right into my chest and ripped my heart out. As if that weren’t enough, he threw the still beating muscle to the ground like so much trash. It occurred to me that it was a small miracle I was still alive; honestly, it hurt so bad I was stunned to find I hadn’t keeled over dead.

I grabbed a pillow and hugged it my chest, hiding myself from him and comforting myself all at the same time. I pushed the curls out of my face and willed myself not to cry. What had I been thinking, plunging headlong into sex with him when I knew he had to despise me for leaving town with Jessie all those years ago? If the situation were reversed...yeah, I would still love him...just like I knew, I knew, he still loved me.

He finished the last button and I sprang from the bed, moving to stand between him and the door. He’d had his say and now it was my turn.

“Move aside, Jules, we’re done here.”

“Liar!” I pointed a finger right at his chest to emphasize my argument.

He blinked. Obviously, I’d surprised him. Maybe he thought or even hoped that I’d curl up into a ball of sobbing heartbreak, but he hadn’t counted on one thing. I knew him better than anyone save myself. I knew when he was happy, sad, angry, frustrated, and being a big fat liar.

We’d spent much of our youth lying to our parents so that we could be together. We fibbed about going to the library, really, we were surfing. We prevaricated about going on a school field trip, when actually we were skipping school to hang out in San Diego for the day. And I’d stood silently beside him while he’d looked his parents right in the eye and told them we were just studying together; yeah, only if human sexuality was the subject at hand, by which I mean our hands on each other all the time.

Liam’s tell had always been to tip his head to the side and run the back of his hand over his lips, which he had just done when he told me there was nothing between us. Ha! Busted!

He raised his hands in a calm down gesture. So patronizing. Did he really think that was going to work with me?

“Listen, I get that you’re upset—” he began.

“Oh, I’m not upset,” I said, cutting him off. “No, I think a better word for what I’m feeling would be determined.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m not following.”

I laughed. “No, but you will be.”

Now he looked wary. Smart boy.

“What are you up to?”

“Me?” I tossed the pillow aside and placed my hands on my hips. He tried not to look at me standing in front of him butt naked with my chest thrust out and one knee bent in a red-carpet pose. He tried and failed.

“You.” He made it sound like a curse.

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