Page 94 of I Blame the Rival

I am fucking pathetic.

“Flower.” I swallow, wishing I had anything more to offer this girl than baggage, “I’m sorry about last night. From the comments Vector made to the way I broke down in the bathroom… I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

She frowns, reaching over and bopping my nose, “We have a rule about apologizing. Don’t go breaking it now.”

“You deserve better.”

“No, Skylar.Youdeserve better.” A soft sigh escapes her, “You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself. It just doesn’t work that way.”

Shame has me breaking eye contact and looking down at my duvet.

“It’s not that I don’t love myself. It’s just hard to look in the mirror sometimes.”

“I know. But those are the days when you have to see someone else. You have to look past your own reflection and see the person you are getting out of bed for. The person you are choosing to live for.”

She blows out a breath, “After the incident, I had to learn how to stop seeking ways to leave this world and start searching for ways to live in it. It took me a while but eventually I found a new appreciation through silly little things and it was enough to keep me going.”

“Is that when your plant collection started?”

She nods, “And my romance addiction. As ridiculous as it sounds, I found peace in the predictable endings. In the simpleroutine of taking care of my plant babies. It doesn’t have to be some great passion that pulls you out of the darkness. Sometimes all it takes is one friend who helps you forget about the scars lining the inside of your skin.”

“Who was it for you?”

“Nico.”

I glance at her in surprise and she lets out a laugh, “He made me this friendship bracelet when we were kids, told me to keep it until he could save up enough money to buy me a promise ring. This was before he knew he liked men, of course.”

Lacey shakes her head with a smile, “None of the colours matched and most of the letters were different sizes, but it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was my most cherished possession until I lost it a few years later. I was so devastated that Nico bought me a new one as a replacement, but it just wasn’t the same.”

She pauses, staring at my ceiling like it might take her back to a different time.

“I ended up finding it two days after I tried to commit suicide. I hadn’t seen it for seven years and it turned up 48 hours after I tried to leave my best friend behind.”

There’s an ache in her voice, the unbearable weight of regret filling each word. All I can do is look at her, look and see the strength of a survivor who chooses to get out of bed every day.

“Do you still have it?”

She nods, “I keep it in the pill bottle that almost killed me. It serves as a reminder of just how much I stand to lose if I choose to stop loving myself.”

Gentle fingers run through my hair, pushing the strands back from my forehead. Lacey looks at me with eyes shining with grief and regret, but even in the darkness, a glimmer of hope remains.

“You deserve to be happy, Skylar. You deserve to be happy with me.”

I stare back at her, clinging to that sliver of light in her eyes.

Since that very first message, this girl helped bring back the colours I stopped seeing. She became the light in a world gone grey, and with every correspondence, she slowly glued my broken pieces back together.

She helped me forget about the scars lining the inside of my skin.

“I love you, Flower.” I whisper, trying not to break down into tears again, “I always have and I always will.”

“I know.” Lacey smiles, that same smile that stitched mine back together, “But now it’s time to learn to love Skylar. He’s pretty fucking awesome but sometimes he forgets that.”

An unexpected laugh rips from my chest.

“I’ll work on it.”

“Nope. Not good enough.” She grins, pressing a kiss to my cheek before sliding out of bed. I turn and watch her creep over to my desk.

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