Page 89 of I Blame the Alcohol

“I did. At the encouragement of others.”

“I see.” She pauses to scribble some notes, “Tell me, Stella, what are you hopping to gain from these sessions?”

I force my gaze from the ancient clock and go back to bouncing my leg.

“Closure, I guess. I struggle with panic attacks.”

“When did these panic attacks start?”

“After my mother died.” My eyes start to burn, and I mentally curse.

“Here, dear, take a tissue. It will help, trust me.”

I nod, reaching forward to grab a radiant tissue from the equally bright box. I unfold the note and crack a smile at the ridiculously cheerful message waiting for me.

You have already taken the first and hardest step!

Karen meets my gaze with kind eyes, “Are you ready to continue, Stella?”

I steal another glance at the clock. Fifty-five minutes to go.

“Maybe I’ll be needing these tissues after all.”

Karen chuckles, adding another note to her clipboard, “Everyone does.”

Chapter 27

Cody

The second Stella exits the building, I can tell something is wrong.

Quickly hopping out of my car, I close the distance between us and immediately pull her into a hug. She slumps against me, her arms hanging loose by her sides.

“Don’t let go.” She murmurs the words against my chest and the raw vulnerability in her voice just about breaks my heart.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” I pull her closer, wishing my hold was strong enough to protect her from the outside world. Not because Stella can’t fight her own battles, but because she deserves to be saved.

We stay like that for a long time, long enough for the next patient to roll up and enter the building. A few more minutes tick by until finally Stella pulls away with a heavy exhale, “Okay, we can go. Thanks for that.”

“No need to thank me, Stel.” I interlink our fingers and squeeze them gently as I guide her back to the car. Stella climbs in and we fall silent, her looking out the windshield while I look at her.

“How did it go?” It feels like a stupid question to ask given the redness around her eyes, but it's one that needs to be addressed.

“Terrible.” She turns to me with a sigh, “But weirdly liberating. I’ve booked in to see her again next week.”

“Do you think it helped?”

Stella shrugs, taking a long strand of hair and threading it through her fingers, “Hard to tell. Karen had a lot of productive things to say, she mentioned some coping mechanisms we can slowly implement into my lifestyle. It’s going to take a lot of time and energy, but I do think it will help. Eventually.”

“Sounds promising.”

“It does. I just didn’t expect it to be so… draining, I guess.” Stella gives me a weak smile, “Who knew talking could be so strenuous?”

I chuckle, leaning over to plant a kiss on her forehead, “You did a lot more than talking today, Stel. You took the first step to recovery.”

“Recovery fucking sucks.”

I grin, turning the ignition and putting the car in drive, “It sure does.”

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