Page 61 of April Flowers

It was the strangest thing. After Margot discovered Vic reading her mother’s diaries, she’d toyed with the possibility that Vic was, in fact, her father’s love child with a mystery woman, but Vic didn’t come around again. After two weeks went by, Vic almost felt to Margot like a dream she and her mother had both had.Or a shared nightmare, she thought.

Sam’s quest to hunt him down via friends and acquaintances led to nothing. “It’s like he vanished into thin air,” Sam said.

Margot had scoured the diaries for more information about her father’s affair and had found only this:

March 4, 1984

I saw her at the grocery store with the baby. I left my cart in the aisle and went to my car, but I had a twenty-minute panic attack.

Frank told me he hadn’t seen her. He told me she’s not in his life.

I’m starting to think I should have a baby. One that will cancel out that other one.

One that will make Frank forget.

But it seemed that, mostly, Lillian had wanted to cancel out all memory of Frank’s affair. Margot was surprised that Lillian hadn’t thrown those particular diaries out.

Another week passed, and Lillian and Margot fell into a sort of routine: breakfasts, lunches, dinners, The Cooking Channel, movies they’d once loved that they decided to love again, and doctor’s appointments. With the help of a phone alarm, Lillian took her medication right on time every day. The doctor said there were real improvements, and Margot wanted to say she already knew. After all, she lived with her mother and witnessed her mother’s healthier patterns.

“The clouds are parting just the slightest bit,” the doctor said. “I think it’s because her daughter came home. If you keep up a good routine, there’s no telling how long she’ll be able to live comfortably.”

Margot’s heart felt light.

Throughout the end of February and into March, Noah was a frequent visitor at Margot’s childhood home, as were Avery and Sam. Over unlimited snacks and grilled cheese sandwiches, Avery spoke about her high school classes and about how she’d signed up to take the SAT that summer. When Margot asked where she wanted to go to university after her senior year, Avery thought for a moment and said, “I don’t want to go anywhere! I just got back to Nantucket! Why does everyone want me to go somewhere?”

Margot and Noah laughed and said teasingly, “Don’t go anywhere! We want you here for good! Stay forever!”

But Margot understood what she meant. Avery still wasn’t comfortable; she’d lost her mother and her Boston-based friends. Change was her middle name. Maybe she was tired of it.

In private, Margot and Noah said they hoped Avery would find a way to embrace the change that inevitably came with early adulthood.

But after they said it, Margot asked, “Did you ever embrace change?”

Noah admitted he hadn’t. “I’d be kidding myself if I said yes.”

Margot said, “I pretended to embrace change. But life was so hard on me. I was permanently frightened.”

Noah hugged her hard and murmured, “You never have to be afraid again.”

It was April and a week before Hilary Coleman’s wedding that Sam called with news. “I think Vic Rondell is back on the island.”

Margot was standing in the sunlight of her mother’s kitchen. At the table, Lillian was trying to do a crossword, a puzzle the doctor suggested to keep her mind “more agile.”

“Who told you?” Margot asked, trying to keep her tone normal so as not to arouse suspicion in her mother.

“It’s weird. I saw his name on the guest list for the wedding,” she said. “I asked Hilary about him, and she said she thinks he’s friends with her fiancé.”

“Wow.”

Sam explained that Hilary’s fiancé had lived in San Francisco for many years and had business contacts all over the world. “It tracks,” she said. “Marc’s made of money, and so are all his friends. Vic smells of that world.”

“You should ask Marc about him!”

“Good idea,” Sam said. “I’ll call you back right away.”

A half hour later, there was a knock on the door. Margot and her mother were in the spring sunlight on the back porch, drinking tea and watching the gulls sweep over the waves. It took a while for Margot to hear the knocking, and when she did, she hurried around the side of the house to find Sam, switching herweight and peering through the window, waiting for Margot to answer.

“Over here!” she called. “We’re outside!”

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