Page 38 of April Flowers

Of course, Lillian’s love for Frank was reason enough for her to hate Margot later on.

Margot decided she couldn’t read another diary entry, not tonight. She was too exhausted. She put the diary back where she’d found it and tiptoed upstairs to the guest bedroom, where she made up her bed and texted Sam an additional thank-you.

She was surprised when Sam wrote back right away.

SAM: It is a blessing to have you back on the island. Please let me know if I can help you with anything at all. I regret terribly that Daniel refuses to help you with all of this. His selfishness has been a fact of my life. I suppose it’s been a fact of yours, too.

MARGOT: You’re so wonderful, Sam. I love you. You’re so strong.

Margot meant what she said.

But as Margot drifted off to sleep, she couldn’t help but think about Daniel’s selfishness and how it must have been passed down from their mother. At the same time, she guessed that Daniel had an inner life, inner intelligence that understood how selfish and awful he was. Margot wondered if Daniel regretted it. She wondered if there was any way to come back from all the terror he’d wrought.

Was there a way for Lillian to do that? Even from within the throes of Alzheimer’s?

Margot wasn’t sure. But she promised herself to offer Lillian as much compassion as she could. And she resolved to read more of the diaries—if only to fill in the gaps of her mother’s life.

But Margot knew she would never read the diary entries from twenty years ago. She couldn’t face them. She couldn’t open her heart to such tremendous pain.

Chapter Fifteen

To Noah’s surprise, Avery hauled herself from the sofa and to bed and woke herself up by seven fifteen. It was as though she was a real adult, or at least trying to be, and wanted to make up for the chaos of yesterday. In the kitchen, wearing a big T-shirt and pajama pants, she announced that her plan was to get to school on time.

“You don’t have to go. You said it was maybe too early,” Noah reminded her, sipping coffee at the counter. Outside, snow had accumulated, and flakes continued to swirl and stick on the windowpanes.

Noah didn’t want a repeat of yesterday. He tried to instill that in Avery with a firm smile.

But Avery looked him hard in the eye. “I want to go. The sooner I get back to a schedule, the better.”

Noah heard his own sentiments in her voice. How many times had he said something similar to a parent of one of his at-risk youths?

He sighed. “Let me make you eggs, at least.”

“With extra cheese,” Avery said.

“Naturally.”

Noah performed the typical rituals of a typical father. He made eggs with cheese and toast. He let Avery have some coffee—but only half a cup. She added so much milk and sugar to it that it could hardly qualify as caffeine, anyway. After that, she showered, brushed her hair, smeared way too much makeup on her face, and called, “I’m ready!”

Noah didn’t have it in him to say she couldn’t wear all that makeup. It was the style of the moment, and Avery wanted to fit in. She was practicing womanhood. Wasn’t that sort of what high school was all about?

They were nearly late. But as they drove to the high school, Noah felt a wild rush of something that felt like normality. They were a father-daughter duo (of sorts) trying to get to school on time. The morning stress united them with so many other parent-children duos.

“Call me if you need anything,” Noah begged Avery as she got out of the car.

“Yeah. Of course.” Avery slammed the door and hurried through the snow and up the walkway. She disappeared through the glass door.

Noah sat for a moment, his heart thudding.

He was thinking about the last day of school he’d ever spent at Nantucket High. He and Margot had been voted “Best Couple” of the senior class, and to celebrate, he’d bought her a big bouquet of her favorite flowers—lilies mixed with roses. The bouquet had cost him an arm and a leg, but the look on her face when she’d received it had stuck with him all these years. She’d said, “Noah, I can’t believe it. You listen to me. You know what I like.”

He’d wanted to say,You’re the only person I want to speak to for the rest of my life.

It was hard to believe that Margot—the same person he’d given those flowers—was somewhere on the island right now.

It was hard to believe that she carried the same memories he did.

Noah drove downtown and parked outside a little coffee shop, where he tried to focus on a novel that he soon abandoned to people-watch. It was a bright and sunny day, and people walked with their chins lifted, taking in as much of the light as they could. Summer still felt eons away. They were like houseplants, reaching toward the window for all the sun they could find.

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