Page 3 of Toxic

I frowned, wondering what she meant, but I’d told her I trusted her. And I did. “Okay.”

“I’ll get everything set up, okay? Don’t you worry about anything.”

“Thanks, Keels.”

“B?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want you going back out there alone.”

“I have to. I have to feed. And water. And… Besides,” I said, my smile wry, “I’m not alone. Eris is with me.”

“That makes me feel a little better,” she said with a laugh. “That dog isn’t going to letanyonenear you.”

“Thanks for answering, Keely.”

“Thanks for calling, Billie.”

“I better go.” Disconnecting the call, I leaned over and grabbed Gramps’s hand. I didn’t know what the plan was. Or what I was going to do if Keely’s ‘friends’ wouldn’t help me, but I’d figure something out. That was what I did. I figured things out.

CHAPTER 2

Toxic

Resting back against the headboard of my bed, I flipped the page of the book I was reading. It was the newest book by Joel Salatin, a world renowned farmer, and I’d been meaning to get to it for a while. Things had finally calmed down enough for me to do some reading.

Of course, if the guys knew I read they’d give me endless amounts of shit for it. I was pretty sure most of them didn’t think Icouldeven read. Though, I ran my family’s ranch in Sentinel Wyoming from here. At least the paperwork portion of it. My cousin, Cynic’s older brother, ran the day to day operation since I wasn’t there. He also ran herd on my dad most days—a full time job in itself.

It was mid-August and it had been quiet since our showdown in the White Mountains. That was giving me a lot of extra time. And I was beginning to feel…itchy. I didn’t know why.

It made me happy as hell to see my brothers settled down with their old ladies and their kids. Butcher and Isla were like a pair of psychotic peas in a warped little pod. I was glad he was able to find someone.

I grew up seeing my dad and mom and the way their marriage was. The way they loved each other was just short of epic. It was why I hadn’t gotten married. I kept everything light with women because lightning had never struck.

Once when I was younger, I’d asked Dad how he knew Mom was the one. He’d told me it was like being hit by lightning the moment he saw her. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. And he just knew he was going to marry her.

I’d been waiting for that. I wasn’t some cheesy fucking douchebag who believed in the stars aligning and all that bullshit, but when you saw, really saw, two people who were meant to be together, loving each other every day, it was impossible to deny it. I saw it all around me now. With my brothers and their women. I just didn’t know if there was anyone out there for me.

So I had fun. I drank. I slept around. I drank. I drank more.I should probably look into that.Most of my brothers had been shocked to meet my dad and learn that I’d grown up on a ranch. They still probably didn’t realize that the ranch was mine. That it was a multi-million dollar business that I kept running in peak condition, thanks to my cousin and a crew of men I’d been working with for years.

Lockout knew. That man knew everything. And Butcher knew, but I was sure the others didn’t. They saw me as the partier, the player, because—let’s face it—I partied as hard as I worked. I put that out there for the world to see because it was easy to meet those expectations. But those who knew that side of me? They’d be shocked to realize I had a reputation for being solid and steady. For being hardworking and successful.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want my brothers knowing about that responsible half of myself. It was that Ionlylet my brothers see the real me under the partier. And my father, though he probably wished I’d show himlessof the real me. The rest of the world got a fake version of myself. I was free here with my chosen family. I could do and be anything I wanted. And if my brothers needed me I’d move heaven and Earth to make sure it happened. But the rest of the time? I did whatever felt good. Mostly because, deep down, I knew what I was missing.

I was forty-two years old now. And I was getting really sick of being alone. It was why I slept around. Why I drank so fucking much. I had a fear that I’d never voiced to another person before. That I was never going to find my old lady. I was going to live out my life and never know the love I’d grown up around. And I really didn’t want that.

A knock on the door made me look up, and I slid the book under my pillow. “Come in.”

“Not sure I want to,” Lock called out.

“I’m alone,” I said with a chuckle.

He swung open the door and looked around. “Well, it doesn’t look like a sex dungeon in here, yet.”

I snorted and arched a brow. They always joked about my place being a dungeon, yet I was more vanilla than not. I might have sex a lot but it wasn’t super kinky sex. I was just a regular fucking guy.

“Need something, Prez?” The way Lockout had looked at me when he said that made me wonder if he somehow knew what I was doing. That my fear of living my life alone was the reason I surrounded myself with women. Nah. He couldn’t possibly know that…right? That wasn’t something obvious.

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