Page 36 of Toxic

Being level headed was something I prided myself on, so why was I acting like this? It was like my fury had built up in my head the whole drive home and then I’d unleashed on him. I couldn’t even blame him for dumping me in that trough because I’d been spoiling for a fight. It wasn’t even like he’d been flirting with those women.

It was just the fact that he was so…calm…about it all. He’d just smiled at them. Then teased me like usual on the way home. Even when I’d been raging at him, his tone was calm and reasonable and that set me off even more.

I stared at the table wondering how the hell I was going to make it through the next couple weeks. Because first I wantedto tear his head off, then I wanted to jump him when he’d mentioned what he’d do if I kept pushing him. I took in a shaky breath. And now he was over there making breakfast as if none of this had fazed him. Honestly, I didn’t think itdidfaze him.

But I was shaken. This wasn’t me. I didn’t act like this. Okay. To be fair, Ididhave a temper. So maybe getting pissed at him wasn’t all that out of the ordinary. However, getting mad at a man for flirting? Not since Will. Which was probably why I’d taken everything out on Toxic to begin with. I should apologize. But I wasn’t going to, because then he’d think he could just haul me over that bulky shoulder anytime he wanted and I didn’t care to be dumped in any more bodies of water.

Mouth thinning, I stayed quiet and tried to figure out what to do with myself. Gramps was sleeping. Breakfast wouldn’t be done for a bit, but I didn’t want to keep fighting. I stood and headed for the door. “I’m going to go check in on Hank.”

“Sounds good,” he said, sounding nothing but pleasant.

I gave his back a baffled look. Will used to scream right back at me whenever I got mad. We’d end up feeding off each other and hollering at the top of our lungs. Not Toxic. He was just so…reasonable. It was a little infuriating. And a lot confusing. I shook my head and stepped outside.

The other men were already getting started on the barn again. They were using ladders and rollers with extenders. It would have taken me at least a month to finish up a project they’d be done with in three or four days.

My shoulders dropped as I realized that with their help I wasn’t going to be so overworked. I heaved a breath. The urge to cry was there again. Ever since my crew quit I’d been working double time, trying to get enough done that I could take a day to tackle some of these projects.

Hush approached as I walked up to the barn. I was a little embarrassed that they’d all seen my outburst, but no one otherthan Hush was even paying attention to me. It was good to hear the sound of men working and laughing on this ranch again. It wasn’t going to last forever. These men were going to end up going back to whatever it was they usually did every day, and I’d be here once again figuring out how to make it all run alone. I pushed the sadness aside and smiled at Hush.

“That roof’s going to need repairin’,” he said.

His southern drawl was a nice sound. I was betting he had just as many women chasing him as Toxic did. “Okay,” I told him with a nod. “I’ll add it to the list.”

He frowned. “List?”

“Of things that need to be done.”

He tilted his head. “I was meanin’ for you to tell Toxic about it.”

“I will,” I promised. But I wasn’t sure I could afford both the house and barn being painted and a roof repair right now. That was…a lot.

“Okay,” he said with a nod then went back to work.

I bypassed the barn and went out to the field out back and grinned as the horses lifted their heads. Without needing to whistle, Hank came running up. Dad had bought him for me as a gift for my birthday one year. We’d grown up together and I loved this horse so damn much.

Looking down as something pressed to my calf, I scratched behind Eris’s ear. “Keeping them under control, Girl?”

She let out a happy little growl, raising her muzzle so I’d scratch under her chin, too. When she spun and presented me her butt, I laughed and scratched right above her tail, on her lower back. She grumbled in approval, then trotted off to cause trouble. It didn’t take long before swearing started up.

“Goddamn dog!”

I smiled and reached out to pet Hank’s velvety muzzle. This was what I needed. To let my animals center me. They were partof why I fought so hard for this place. I couldn’t imagine living inside the city limits, in an apartment, with none of my animals. I’d be miserable. Sucking in a deep breath, I looked around at the desert landscape surrounding us.

Right now the cattle were grazing on the native grasses and brush that was popping up thanks to the monsoons. After September, I was going to have to go back to supplementing their feeding with hay. It was a lot more work, but Tucson didn’t have an abundance of grass for the animals to live off of. We worked with what we had, but I enjoyed this time where I didn’t have to haul hay bales on and off of trucks in different fields.

I used to get the huge, thousand pound, circular bales, but the machine that helped roll those out for the cattle had been broken for a couple of years. It was expensive to fix and when I’d had young healthy men tossing hundred-pound hay bales into trucks and trailers to drive them out it wasn’t a big deal. I was going to struggle with that on my own soon. We had too many cows and I was only good for a couple bales before I was damn exhausted. This was the first year I was going to have to do it alone and I wasn’t looking forward to it. Somehow I was going to have to scrape up the money to get my equipment fixed.

A shrill whistle cut through the morning air, making me jump. I patted Hank once more before heading back around the barn. The guys were already storming the house in search of food. I shook my head in amusement.

By the time I made it back in the house, chaos had erupted. Toxic was having a standoff over the bacon. He glared at Smoke. “Put it back, Dickhead.”

“You said breakfast was ready,” Smoke complained.

“After Billie and her grandfather get a plate. Jesus, it’s like you’re a rabid animal.”

“It’s because he didn’t have a Mom to teach him manners,” Hellfire said, munching on a piece of toast he’d managed to snag.

Smoke’s mouth dropped open. “Low fucking blow, Bro.”

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