Page 24 of The Saint

“It’s too soon.”

“I’ll be there with you.”

I looked away.

He cupped my face and directed my eyes to his. “I’ll be there with you.” A calm confidence was in his gaze, not a sharp sternness. It wasn’t him telling me what to do, but him encouraging me to do it.

With every passing day, I felt better. Felt that memory drift further to the back of my mind. It was something that would stay with me for the rest of my life, a part of who I was now, but it didn’t have to define me. I stared into his eyes for a while before I gave a slight nod. “Okay.”

He kissed the corner of my mouth before he walked into the bathroom. The water came on a moment later, the faucet audible.

I’d taken a couple of baths in there as a guest. Reading in the bath every day while Bastien was asleep or at work would have been my favorite activity after I moved in, but I’d never even considered it after what had happened. Now I went to cafés and listened to music on my headphones so I wouldn’t have to hear the chatter of people nearby. The tub wasn’t even an option.

Bastien seemed to realize that and wanted it to change.

He came back to me on the couch, his arm moving around my shoulders as he pulled me into his side. He brushed a kiss against my hairline. “You’ve lived here a while, and never once have you used it. Time for a change.”

I swallowed, thinking about the cold water against my feet and shoulders, the way it pressed against the back of my neck as it continued to rise. It had been on my mind the first time I’d taken a shower after. Still crossed my thoughts when I waited for the temperature of the shower water to turn from cold to hot.

Bastien stared at the side of my face. “You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever known.”

I gave a quiet scoff. “Your mother was married to a drug kingpin for however long—and I can’t take a bath.”

“She knew my father had mistresses, and she stayed. She was fortunate enough never to be a pawn in someone’s cruel game. In the face of adversity, she’ll choose to ignore it. But not you.”

“Leaving a cheating husband isn’t brave.”

“If it’s not brave, then why do so few women do it?”

I stared at the table.

“I know you can do this.”

“What does it matter?—”

“It matters because I don’t want you to live your life in fear, afraid to enjoy something that used to bring you joy. You give power to your enemies—power they don’t deserve.”

“Bastien, no offense, but you’ve never died.”

He stared at me for a long time, like the words dismantled his argument. “No. But you’re a hell of a lot braver than I am.”

Gerard brought dinner, drinks, and dessert, and Bastien got into the bathtub first. It was big enough to fit four adults comfortably, but Bastien was bigger than the average adult, so he took up two spots himself.

The bathtub wasn’t long and narrow, far rounder than a coffin, so at least they were aesthetically different. The pizza had been placed on a riser so it wouldn’t get wet from our movements, and there were several bottles of champagne for us to enjoy. A couple weeks ago, this would have been the most romantic night of my life, but now, it felt like a challenge, one that brought me a shit-ton of anxiety.

“Sweetheart, you got this.” He reached his hand over the edge of the tub so I could grab it and use it to step over the side and into the warm water. He wore his look of confidence, staring hard into my gaze with transparent calm.

I didn’t want someone else to dictate my life. Didn’t want a dead person to have such power over me. But it was hard to be brave. If it were easy, then everyone would be brave. I stared at the water then looked at his hand again, giving a quiet sigh before I grabbed his fingers.

The smile on his mouth and the pride in his eyes lit up the whole fucking sky. “Attagirl.”

One foot hit the water and then the next. I stood there with the water to my knees, the bubbles on the surface from the bath gel he’d added. The overhead lights had been dimmed, and I stood in a bathroom that was more expensive than an average apartment. It was nothing like a coffin in a muddy grave. The only commonality between them was the water that swirled around my feet.

After a beat, I lowered myself into the water across from him, letting the warmth submerge me to my shoulders. Nightmares still struck me, despite the weeks that had passed. Bastien didn’t know any of that because he was out working. But having thewalls of his home surrounding and protecting me was enough to make me feel safe again.

He leaned against the edge of the other side of the tub, his arms stretched out along the sides, looking like someone who enjoyed a bath even though he never took one.

I sat there with my arms around my knees, looking at the bubbles that floated on the surface of the water. It took me a couple minutes to accept it, to rationalize the situation and convince myself I wasn’t in danger, that this moment was nothing like the other. My heart started to slow, and the smell of the pizza was suddenly noticeable.

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