Page 49 of Conspiracies and Chemistry

“He prefers it that way. Off the grid. No one, not even me, knows where he lives. He doesn’t want to be monitored.” She shrugged. “It’s actually kind of impressive that he visits me. There are dozens of security cameras on my street.”

I hadn’t so much as picked up my fork. This was more interesting than food. “Because of his protesting…work?” Was that how he saw it?

“Mostly because of the conspiracies. You know, like 5G wireless is used to spy on people or the government will round up people like him who know the truth, etcetera.”

“Ah. And you don’t believe those things? No judgment.” I believed most of the same things my parents did, especially when I was as young as she’d been when she lost her mother.

“Which one? That vaccines have chips in them and doctors are making us sick? I mean, I understand why he believes the conspiracies. It was horrible watching my mother die, and it’s comforting to blame someone rather than the inherent unfairness of life. But no, I did research and found enough evidence that I didn’t believe the same things. You know, this chicken is really good. You should try it.”

“Talking with you is much more interesting.” I leaned an elbow on the counter.

She looked down, letting her hair conceal her pink cheeks. “You’re creeping me out. Eat.”

I did, and we talked about mundane things, like work and my house, while we finished dinner and then cleaned up the kitchen. I refilled my glass of club soda and carried her half-full wineglass to the couch. She nestled into the corner, and I sat a cozy distance away on the adjacent cushion.

She sipped her wine. “Thanks for having me over. Dinner was delicious.”

My heart skipped. “You’re not leaving yet, are you?”

“Shouldn’t I?” She fluttered her eyelashes. “Before we do something we have to tell West about?”

I leaned back against the cushion. “I’d like to tell West about us.”

“Us?”She flicked her hand between the two of us. “This was just dinner, according to our deal.”

“Our deal was that you’d give me a chance. Which means an emotional connection.” I swallowed.“Ifeel an emotional connection.”

“What if I don’t?” She squared her jaw.

I lifted the shoulder that wasn’t sunk into the couch. “It doesn’t change how I feel. And how I feel could affect how we work together.”

“Not yet.”

“Not…yet?”

“Don’t say anything yet. Please. I… When Harry and I were together, everyone knew. I tried to be discreet, but—and I only figured this out later—he knew if everyone was aware we were sleeping together, that’d give him more power. And I guess it did. Anyway, I…” She swallowed. “I don’t want to be like Harry.”

From the strain in her voice, the pained expression on her face, I knew how hard it was for her to say his name. So, as gently as possible, I said, “Not that I’d ever want to hurt you, but it’s safer to tell West. In case things don’t work out, you’d be protected. But I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“Thank you. Safety is a big thing for you.” It wasn’t a question.

“My dad’s in insurance.” I shrugged, like it explained everything. “He’s all about managing risk. Nonslip rugs. Fire ladders in the upstairs bedrooms. Every time it snowed when I was a teenager, he’d take me to a parking lot to practice handling spinouts. I guess I internalized it.

“Which is why it shocked everyone when Simon and I started the company. It was the riskiest thing I could’ve done. But Simon was so confident, so persuasive, he convinced me it was a risk worth taking.”

“He was right,” she said. “You built something great.”

“We did. But when he…” I almost stopped there, to let her intuit the end of that sentence. But she’d been open about her dad, so I could be vulnerable too. “I knew his partying was out of control. I talked to him about it, but it pissed him off. So I stopped saying anything. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d nagged him nonstop. Then maybe he wouldn’t have gone to that last rave. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten so drunk he stepped off the curb into traffic.”

“My god.” She set her hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.” My arm warmed under her touch.

“And that’s why you don’t drink?” She dipped her chin at my sparkling water.

“Yes.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You’re not responsible for his actions, any more than I’m responsible for my dad’s.”

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