Page 86 of Books and Hookups

His smile dipped, but then it broadened. “I haven’t shown you the best part.”

He went through a set of double doors in the back. I followed him into the darkened space.

“The lights are still off, but…ta-da!” He flicked on his phone’s flashlight and illuminated a stainless steel kitchen. In the center was a long prep counter. In back was a stove with a griddle. On the left side side were a couple of refrigerators, and a dishwashing station was on the right. It was easily twice as big as the kitchen at Barb’s. Though I shuddered to think of what it looked like with the lights on. Or how many insects might be hiding inside the walls.

“Impressive, huh?” he asked.

“Impressive,” I echoed, “that it hasn’t been condemned and torn down.”

“So the storefront’s a little dated. All this stuff is perfectly serviceable. Or I bet it is once we turn on the power and gas.”

“Who’swe? Wedon’t need this. We’re six weeks away from buying Barb’s.”

“That’s not what Tad said. He said he was taking it over.”

I clenched my fists. “Tad’s a fucking liar.”

“Oh.” I couldn’t see his expression in the dark, but I heard the disappointment in his voice. “You always said you wanted to raise kids in the suburbs, in a place with a yard. I figured it was your idea to let Barb sell to Tad instead so you could use the cash for a down payment on a house.”

“No.” I tried to keep my voice steady. “I promised you we’d buy the bar together, and I keep my promises. I’d have talked to you if I was thinking of changing my mind.”

“This is me offering you an out, then. Uncle Gio said he’d be my silent partner in a catering business. This place is perfect, right?”

“I never said I wanted an out. This place would be a lot of work. And it’s next to a fucking dry cleaner. It could be a Superfund site.”

“Come on.” He led me out into the front where there was light. “Do you really want to follow through on buying the bar? You’ve always wanted stability. A house. A fucking minivan. Are you sure you want to raise a kid over a bar? ’Cause that kind of sounds like how we grew up before Ma inherited Nonna’s place.”

“Look, I…I don’t know.” Buying Barb’s had been my dream for so long, and I hadn’t stopped to think about how being a father might change that. Months ago, Lucie had said she didn’t want to get married. But we’d grown closer, and things between us had shifted. She might’ve changed her mind. And how amazing would it be to become a real family with Lucie and our daughter? I could take Aunt Connie up on her offer to take over her insurance business. That would be the kind of job that meant I’d qualify for a mortgage and would be home in time to make dinner every night. Boring, respectable, and stable. All the things I’d imagined when I was a kid.

My brother drew himself up. “Well, I know what I want. And it’s not buying Barb’s. It’s buying a kitchen big enough to run a catering business.”

“What?” I pushed my hair behind my ears. Maybe I hadn’t heard him right. “But we’ve always wanted to run the bar together.”

“No.” He looked down.“Youwanted the bar. And I wanted to give something back to my big brother who was always there for me, who was kind of a dad to me, who made time for me when no one else did. But now I’ve realized that isn’t a good enough reason. We’ll be happier if we each do what we love.”

Do what we love?But we’d agreed to do this together. “Jesus fucking Christ! When were you going to tell me this?” I roared.

“Today, Danny. I’m telling you today.” His voice was as quiet as mine was loud.

I pushed the door so hard it banged against the exterior wall.

Not caring where I went, I turned right and walked along the street, seeing nothing. It was a good thing it was Sunday morning and traffic was light. On a weekday, I’d have walked out into a busy street and probably been hit by a commuter.

I wouldn’t have cared.

My brother had betrayed me. After all we’d been through together, after all the times I’d fucking saved him from himself, after working at Barb’s for years, planning and saving for the day when it’d be ours, he’d dropped this bomb on me.

Without Leo, I didn’t have enough cash to buy Barb’s. And if Gio was funding Leo, he wouldn’t have any extra to help me out. I had a fleeting thought of asking for a loan at the bank, but who’d give a business loan to a bartender who’d never gone to college, who had no business experience, who owned nothing but a crappy old Toyota? Who had a child to support?

Maybe Leo was right. Maybe I’d be better off focusing on my daughter. The money I’d saved for the bar would buy a good chunk of a nice little house in the suburbs.

I realized I’d been walking next to a park, and at the next break in the hedge, I stepped inside. Stretching before me was an expanse of wood chips with a play structure. It had a few swings, a slide, and one of those towers that kids could climb. I sank onto a bench.

It’d be a pain in the ass to share custody if I lived in the suburbs and Lucie still lived in the city. What about when the kid was old enough to go to school? Would Lucie let her live with me, or would I be a weekends-only dad?

That thought left me cold. As loving as my mom was, I’d watched her struggle on her own. I’d always wished I had two parents. That’s what I wanted for my kid.

A little girl ran to one of the swings, and her dad followed. She clambered into the seat, and he pulled her back and let her fly forward. Tucking her feet, she swung back, and he pushed her. “Higher!” she squealed, kicking her feet out in front and leaning back.

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