Page 7 of Books and Hookups

Because even if Lucie Knox were the kind of woman who was interested in anything more than a hookup, she wouldn’t choose me.

She was college educated.

Brilliant.

Had written an amazing piece about human trafficking when I was still in middle school. (Yes, I’d googled her.)

Not to mention confident and gorgeous.

Me? I’d never been to college. I had no deep thoughts about the low value our government put on vulnerable people like women, children, and immigrants. I was a bartender, and I lived in the small apartment upstairs because Barb let me stay there for free.

I’d never be worthy of anything more than an orgasm (or three) to Lucie.

“Hey,” she said, her teeth gleaming under that red lipstick, lipstick I was tempted to kiss off her face, “what time do you get off?”

Which, apparently, was exactly what she wanted from me.

3

Blowing Off a Little Steam

My legacy? I hope it’s more than my filmography, more than my image on screen. I hope I showed women you can be sexy and serious, tough and compassionate, funny and dramatic. And that because I fought for equal pay and pushed for more female directors in this industry, women see positive role models in films and in life.

Doris Starling, actress in more than sixty films

LUCIE

Istared into his deep brown eyes. The scotch had smoothed some of the sharp corners from my feelings of inadequacy, but as soon as I walked into Barb’s and saw Danny’s muscular arms flexing as he carried that ice bucket, I knew what I needed. And that was to peel off his ridiculous pink T-shirt—must’ve been a Valentine’s Day thing since Barb and Leo wore them too—and get his veiny forearms wrapped around my thighs.

I knew what they said about not shitting where you eat. Was it a terrible idea to fuck where I drank? With my downstairs neighbor?

Absolutely. But no one gave me orgasms like Danny Carbone, and I fucking deserved one after tonight’s reminder that I wasn’t good enough.

I raised my eyebrows after a few seconds of silence. Normally, Danny was a great listener. It made him a fabulous bartender. And a couple months ago, one of the best hookups I’d ever had. But tonight, he either had cotton in his ears, or he was being deliberately obtuse.

I was never one to mince words.

“Want to come to my place when you’re done working?” I asked.

With a chuckle, Barb rolled her chair to the far end of the bar.

“I—not tonight, Lucie.” His cheeks matched his shirt. He was a couple years younger than me with smooth skin that went blotchy when he blushed.

“Why not tonight?” I leaned forward, letting my arms frame my chest to give him a peek at my cleavage from the button front of my dress. “Do you have a girlfriend now?”

“No, but it’s…it’s not a good idea.” He pulled the rag from the pocket of his low-slung jeans and wiped the beer taps.

“What’s wrong with blowing off a little steam? We’re good together.” At least, I’d thought we were. The couple of times we’d done it, he went slowly and paid attention. He could tell when I’d had enough teasing and needed a release. And when he’d come, his eyes had literally rolled back in his head. Though, after, when I expected him to pull on his pants and go like every other guy I’d hooked up with, he’d gotten a weird expression. Almost sad. Had he not liked it?

I studied his face.

“Weweregood together,” he said. With the way he emphasized the wordwere,the knot tightened in my stomach. That expression was back, his pretty lips turned down. A piece of shiny heart-shaped confetti glittered in his dark hair. Hair I wanted to release from that ridiculous bun and run my fingers through. Maybe pull it a little.

“Is it because it’s Valentine’s Day?” I wanted to flick that confetti. He had the softest hair, like mink. “I swear I’m not one of those people who thinks if we fuck on February 14thit means we’re together forever.”

“I know, I know.” He ran a hand through his hair, and the sparkly heart fell to the floor.

“Then what’s the problem? Look.” I leaned closer and lowered my voice. “I had a shit night. I’m feeling kind of vulnerable. I’m pretty sure an orgasm will make me feel better.”

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