Page 1 of Books and Hookups

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Couples Are the Worst

Lamb: My legacy? I don’t have a legacy. Men have legacies. Women have families.

Interviewer:(laughing) Well, shit. There goes my whole book.

Lamb: Oh, I hadn’t thought about that.

Interviewer: Everyone has a legacy, whether they intend to or not.

Excerpt from transcript of interview with Savannah Lamb, recipe blogger

LUCIE

“Couples are the worst.” I held up my hands. “There. I said it.”

Andrew, who’d been gazing intently at Carly like he could Vulcan mind-meld her into leaving us behind so he could take her home and do couple things like pick out fucking wallpaper,blinked slowly. “No, we’re not.”

At the same time, Carly said, “What? We’re not a couple.”

His eyebrows shot up. “That’s not what you said last night when I…” As he whispered the rest in her ear, her cheeks reddened.

Now that they were dating, Andrew regularly joined us at our Wednesday-night happy hours. Boo.

I mean, the guy was okay, but it wasn’t the same as when only my three besties and I would hang out. Plus, he was no substitute for Savannah, who hadn’t been able to make it down from Sacramento tonight.

“I meant,” Carly said, “we’re notthatkind of couple. Like them.” She nodded at the booth closest to our high-top where the guy had his tongue down the woman’s throat. And possibly his hand up her skirt. I leaned around Tessa to look. Yep, definitely fingering going on.

I straightened. “You’re worse,” I announced. “Because it’s not just hot sex. It’slove.”

Carly hid her blush against Andrew’s soft-looking gray sweater. He stroked her arm, looking like she’d given him a gift he’d been coveting for years.

“You agree with me, right, Tessa?” I swiveled to face her.

Tessa tilted her head, making her long auburn hair cascade down her shoulder. “I find it fascinating how Carly has changed since she’s accepted Andrew as part of her life. But I don’t need to judge it as better or worse. She’s growing, like all of us.”

Speaking of Vulcans.“But look at this.” I picked up my glass of scotch and pointed at them with it. “They’re like a couple of Care Bears—with fucking hearts shooting out of them.”

“What are Care Bears?” Andrew’s hand had moved from Carly’s arm to her hip. They weresnuggling,at a high top, in the bar.

Carly looked up. “You don’t remember them?”

“It’s like he grew up on a different planet.” Dude was only seven years younger than me, but he seemed so much younger. I sipped my scotch. It burned my throat on the way down, tasting like socks someone had worn to a campout.

“God.” Tessa rested her chin on her hand. “I’d forgotten all about Care Bears. I wanted one so badly back in the ’80s. Like it would be my passport to social acceptance.”

“Did you ever get one?” I asked. Tessa was tighter than a nun’s asshole about her past. I could’ve googled her history, but friends didn’t do that. Friends waited for each other to feel comfortable enough to share. And from what she’d shared, which wasn’t much, she’d been sheltered. Maybe she’d come from one of those TV-rots-your-brain families.

“No, I didn’t.” She drained her glass of whiskey and set it down. “Who wants another?”

I raised my hand. All this couple bullshit was stirring up something uncomfortable inside me. Not jealousy exactly but a weird kind of longing. I needed to either drink it away or fuck it away, and from the anemic selection of single people in the bar, it was probably going to be the former.

“Want another glass of sparkling wine?” Andrew murmured. “I’m driving.”

Carly smiled at him, her eyes practically matching the string of paper hearts hanging over the table. “Okay.”

“Got it. I’ll bring you a seltzer, Andrew.” Tessa strode to the bar.

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