Page 91 of The Misfit Mage and His Devilish Desires

I was really going to attack Beelzebub. With Bez. With other demons. Why hadn’t Bez said anything about me going on this mission? I shouldn’t be going on this mission. I wasn’t ready. I’d never be ready. Not with my essence. I wasn’t a Diabolic, not really.

I continued rifling through items until I found the case containing the demon-killing blade. Supposedly. Not that I ever personally killed a demon with it. But it hurt Diabolics a lot. Messed with their essence, their healing. It’d help for certain.

“If I could open the damn thing.” I pried the latches, somehow struggling to unfasten them.

How could I delude myself into thinking I could help in this battle when I couldn’t even open a case?

“I can’t even help Kell,” I muttered. Not without butting heads. I knew that much; I knew to step aside, to put my ego aside. Why’d my ego convince me to see this plan through? To convince others it was the plan? “I’m a moron.”

“Furthest thing from it,” Bez said, sculking from the doorframe. He tilted his head just enough to slip his horns under the doorway without hitting his head again. Since staying in his demon form, he stood taller, and the store seemed smaller. “You okay?”

I sighed in response, holding back every agonizing question leaping through my thoughts.

“Look at you, lost in that little hive of a mind.” Bez kissed my forehead, calming the wave of anxiety beneath the surface of my thoughts.

But even his touch couldn’t soothe my paranoia.

“Why didn’t you tell me to stay back?” I asked less a question and more an accusation. “I have zero experience in fighting. I mean, I have some. But not against Diabolics. Okay, there’s a few instances where I fought Diabolics, but never alone. Then again, I wouldn’t be alone in this battle either. But this isn’t demons. This is a devil. Two devils. More like one-and-a-half devils. Well, probably more of a quarter based on how scattered Lilith’s essence is.”

I stared through the nearby wall. Literally saw past the brick and stone, glimpsing the writhing clumps of essence dragged back to the city from across the globe, but too bloody and broken to rejoin with Lilith’s core.

“And yeah, I’m strong. Definitely strong. But should I really be fighting a devil? Should any of us?” I continued because I had a million things to express, to pour out, to… “I don’t even know. My thoughts are swimming with so much confusion and fear and stupidity. I’m not smart enough to be making a plan that challenges the scariest, most hateful devil in existence.”

“Are you done?” Bez blinked. “I can let you ramble on until you tucker yourself out if you prefer.”

“Aren’t you worried?”

“Terrified beyond belief,” he said. “Or I would be if I didn’t have someone to believe in.”

“I am not the person who you put your faith in.”

“No, you’re the person who I put my dick in.”

My face fell flat. “Seriously, Bez? Can you take nothing seriously?”

“I take dick pretty seriously.” He smirked. “Gladly take yours if you’ll sling it this way.”

And just like that, my entire face burned, quite possibly literally on fire. Was I on fire? Had Bez really just said that?

“Now that I got your attention, I want you to know I do fear what comes next. I fear falling short. I fear failing. I fear losing you. But most of all, I fear not honoring you.”

My eyes watered.

“You’re the smartest, strongest, bravest, brightest, cutest, dorkiest, most-annoyingly ridiculous-est person I’ve ever met in my long eternity.” Bez grabbed both my hands, wrapping his over and under them. “You make me better. You make me happy. You make me believe. I stand by your decisions because if you believe something will work, then I know with absolute certainty we can’t fail.”

“What if I’m wrong?”

“We could sit here while you do the math on it.”

I contemplated what kind of formulas I’d even need to run to evaluate those figures. It’d likely take me weeks to properly discern a proper method that’d yield the best results.

Bez grinned, studying my mouth. I was clearly muttering. Dammit.

I bit my lower lip and squinted. “You’re screwing with me.”

“If I were screwing with you, you’d know it, love.” He smacked my butt with his tail. “I am, however, teasing you.”

“It’s distracting.”

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