Page 45 of Zero Happily Ever Afters

Instead, I watched as Milo pictured me in his head, strutting across the dance stage with a black and scarlet corset vest and matching leather pants. My performance was far better than anything I could ever hope to attempt. In all fairness, I didn’t hope much. Here I was in Milo’s head, pinned against a pole, crawling down a runway, grinding against a chair, and a million other erotic movements that only further elicited Milo’s imagination for all the things he craved to do to me once he’d completed his mission.

“Christ, they sent you?” Enchanter Wadsworth croaked, taking a deep inhale from his cigarette and exhaling his aggravation for the younger enchanter.

Who knew I would ever once find myself grateful for Wadsworth’s rude interruption. It immediately popped the fantasy from Milo’s mind and settled the lustful aura wafting in the air.

“It’s good to see you too, Wadsworth.” Enchanter Diaz smiled, bright and unfazed by Wadsworth’s venomous gaze. “I see that habit hasn’t slowed you down. God truly loves the wicked.”

“You know, they used to have real witches with tracking magics.” Enchanter Wadsworth shook his head with disappointment. “Now they send incompetent psychics that need more time and bumbling fools that need an animal to cast magic.”

A roar in the distance filled the entire block, and a huge brown bear walked down the street. Each step more intimidating than the next. I’d never seen a bear this big. Her body on all fours stretched longer than Enchanter Diaz stood, and her size was more than twice as wide as his broad shoulders.

“Relax, Priscilla.” Enchanter Diaz kept his playful grin. “You know Wadesy just likes to run his mouth about the good ole days, pretending they were a real thing.”

“It used to be those with familiars didn’t waste their time applying for the industry,” Wadsworth continued as if anyone cared. “We used to have standards in the Global Guild—in any guild, actually. Now witches who need a pet to help them apply in droves. Next thing you know, they’ll be letting branchless witches into the organization. They’ll nominate warlocks or fiends for guild master jobs.”

“Yup.” Enchanter Diaz grabbed his chin and nodded affirmingly, a sly glint in his brown eyes. “It’s all downhill from here, old man. You should do yourself a favor and hop off the ride.”

Wadsworth glared. “Did you and that fat grizzly manage to find any leads?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that she’s a Kodiak bear? They’re an entirely different breed.”

Diaz’s surface thoughts popped with facts about the Kodiak species.

For starters, Kodiak bears could weigh up to 1,500 pounds, and Priscilla was a healthy 1,275 the last time she stepped on a scale. She stood at six and a half feet tall when upright. Most bears had incredible tracking skills, and thanks to Priscilla’s connection to magic, she could sniff out the faintest trace of someone or something for up to twenty miles. Her claws were four inches long, and with the reinforcement of a mere trickle of telekinesis, she could slice through steel.

Christ. I was suddenly very grateful to have King Clucks in my classroom because I wouldn’t trust Gael with a familiar as deadly as Priscilla.

“Bah.” Wadsworth waved a dismissive hand. “Fake news.”

“The disrespect. You realize she’s a killing machine.” Diaz held out his arms like he was gesturing to a car, which he might as well have been, considering how giant his familiar was. Priscilla yawned, huge mouth and sharp teeth stretched wide, but she appeared far less deadly when she rolled onto her back and shifted on the ground to scratch an itch. I knew the look. I’d seen Carlie do that a hundred times over, which made me miss my little fat cat. Also, how the hell did Diaz handle his familiar’s food bill?

I might’ve delved into his mind just a tad out of curiosity. Nothing about her eating habits, but apparently, he kept specialized enchantment sigils on hand for her if the climate became unbearable. Oh, Christ. That unintended pun was going to haunt me. Kodiak bears were native to Alaska and required colder temperatures. Priscilla rarely got cooler temperatures on the road or in Enchanter Diaz’s home state of Texas.

“I see the boys are all getting along.” Gladiatrix levitated outside, hovering between Milo and Diaz and doing her best to ignore Wadsworth.

“Alicia.” Enchanter Diaz half hugged the fellow enchanter, then eyed her golden cape and dark clothing. “Where’d all the pink go?”

“Still got it.” She pointed to the heart shaped trans flag embroidered onto her outfit, possibly all her work clothes.

“No. You used to have style.” Enchanter Diaz sighed, making an exasperated expression, and then flashing his pink and black nails. “We were finally gonna match. Leo’s in his pink phase.”

“Leo?” Milo asked, eye quirked.

“My kid,” Diaz said before pointing to his familiar. “Everything has to be pink these days.”

Priscilla, the bear, huffed and rubbed her head, revealing the streak of hot pink that started at the top of her head and trailed down her spine. There were also patchy, tiny handprints along her belly. If I had to guess, this Leo kid was quite young.

Enchanter Diaz’s surface thoughts revealed the two children he had. A son and daughter who each got to help their daddy get ready for big cases. Leo picked pink nails, and his sister picked black. They argued and so Diaz compromised by using both.

“Speaking of kids,” Milo said, steering the conversation toward their case. “With Benjamin awake and our expert tracker here, I think it’s time we finally set out for the next phase of our mission.”

“About goddamn time,” Wadsworth said, lighting a cigarette.

Milo smiled bright eyed and eager, ready to lead them down a future pathway he believed would offer the best possibilities for everyone involved. The Inevitable Future always wanted what was best and this new pursuit of The True Witch wouldn’t change that.

Chapter Twelve

Once I’d gotten home from work, I fed the cats, grabbed a beer, had a smoke, and watched really shitty television. Like mind-numbingly awful programming that I couldn’t stop tuning into. It was dreadful, and I definitely gave my students judgy, glaring expressions whenever someone had the audacity to bring it up during class. That said, Milo forced me to watch the first season with him, and now I hate-binged it in his absence.

---