Page 56 of Zero Happily Ever Afters

“How about the tour, Benjamin?” Milo nodded with an encouraging smile.

Oh, fuck me.

“How about a tour, Mister Dorian, sir?”

“I’m okay.” I stared, unable to match the enthusiastic smiles coming from Milo or this Benjamin kid.

“He’d love it.” Milo nodded, his expression painting a memory in Benjamin’s surface thoughts.

“He’s a shy raccoon dragon, the kind that says one thing but really means another because he’s the type of dragon that secretly likes to be included.” The words splattered across Benjamin’s thoughts, formed into flaming bubble letters as children had annoying imaginations that seeped out of their youthful, unformed brains.

“Right. Lemme show you around.” Benjamin gripped my hand and dragged me toward the corridor. “This is the hallway where picture paintings are kept.”

He pointed to artwork Milo had plastered on display for no one in particular since he rarely invited guests. But I knew these paintings, these masterpieces. No named artists and legends were placed on the wall side by side, each personal favorites ofmine. Each were pieces I’d seen at one point or another in my youth. And Milo had acquired them, kept them in his home.

Interesting. Something I’d have liked to prod Milo’s mind about, but I found myself ushered further through the penthouse, unable to even take in the full beauty of those paintings.

“This is the living room where the TV is located.”

“Uh-huh.” I looked at the huge, mounted television that took up nearly the entire wall. “A bit excessive.”

“It is expensive.” Benjamin nodded, convinced excessive was another way to pronounce expensive, then pointed to the couch. “This is where guests can sit and relax or over there or there or there too, I guess.”

He continued pointing to the various pieces of furniture in the living room, cluttered with junk.

“And there is the consoles and the toys and the books.” He pointed to an array of gaming systems, a collection of children’s books, and a ridiculous number of toys strewn about the living room carpet. “I was supposed to pick those up. Hmmm. I will pick those up.”

“Okay.” I went to pull my hand free, but Benjamin’s grip tightened.

“After the tour.” He dragged me through the living room and toward the kitchen. “This is where the food is kept, but we’re not supposed to eat in here. Cooking and cleaning is for the kitchen and eating is for conversation and community and…”

Benjamin’s thoughts glazed over the long-winded tour of the penthouse he’d had with Milo when everything had been explained to him a few days ago. Here, I figured Milo had been keeping busy with paperwork, with the Global Guild, with Cerberus, with the bureaucratic nightmare of detaining The True Witch inside the MDC while every nation she’d everwronged fought over the right to try her. In actuality, he’d just been helping this kid settle since having his entire life uprooted.

“That seems like a lot of work.” I huffed in response to Benjamin’s continued tangent about proper mealtimes designed for conversation and yada yada yada.

“Right?” Benjamin smiled up at me, then pulled me by the arm into the next room, where he pointed to the dining room table. “This is where we eat. But snacks are okay wherever. Oh, and toys.” Benjamin knelt and picked up a toy that almost slipped under the table.

This tour continued as Benjamin escorted me throughout the entirety of Milo’s Penthouse home. I saw every single bedroom, guest room, office space, lounging area, hobby room, home gym, and other space rarely occupied by the busy Enchanter Evergreen. Seriously. He’d spent almost all his free time at my house, cozying up to my cats and making my place his. And it turned out he had a place that could fit my entire house in it three times over. Probably more if we counted the balcony space. Not really a balcony since it had a floorplan of its very own split into several areas, from a patio to lounge, to a barbeque to host, to a pool, a hot tub, and so much more. But Benjamin couldn’t show me everything outside. He hesitated at an invisible line outside near the pool.

“I can’t go this way.” His heart raced, staring at the clear water of the pool. His sky-blue hair glowed, and his deep brown eyes turned crystal blue, the warding magic he relied on at the ready. “Enchanter Evergreen said that we can’t go this far without an adult because the balcony has a dangerous ledge.”

“Makes sense to me.” I squeezed Benjamin’s hand, pulling his attention from the pool. “It’s a shifty-looking ledge. Personally, I find balconies annoying.”

“Yes, but you need to get used to the balcony, Mister Dorian, sir.”

“Oh? And why’s that?”

“Because you’re a smoker, and you cannot smoke in Enchanter Evergreen’s home.”

“Oh?” I glowered. “Milo said that?”

“I said that.” Benjamin had a stern, unflinching expression, then his face softened, and he dragged me inside. “Let us continue the tour of the home.”

After the tour, I finally got a chance to myself to enjoy one of my cigarettes on the cool balcony as the sun set. I savored the precious minutes alone since Benjamin talked to me nonstop since the literal second I walked back into the penthouse. He asked me why I started smoking.

“How old were you? I knew a kid at school who smoked cigarewets.”

He asked if I knew the health risks. He asked if I liked smelling weird. He asked if I really thought it made me look cool. “It doesn’t. Peer pressure isn’t cool.”

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