Page 95 of The Sins of Silas

My eyes slid to the fire before me. “I still remember the feeling. I still remember the smell of her burnt house and the sight of her lifeless body. She was in my arms, in my embrace, only hours prior. I couldn’t understand how so much could change so quickly, how my life could fall apart so fast.”

I turned to him, tears sliding down his tired face. “We believed Mages to be responsible for both her and my mother's deaths. I let that information destroy me. Let the pain turn me into someone I didn’t recognize. Someone I hated.”

I took in a shaky breath. I had never spoken about this to anyone.

“I did her a disservice by becoming the man I am today. Don’t let it happen to you.”

I stood, my heartbeat pounding rapidly from speaking about my emotions. But as I moved to leave, Leroy grasped my wrist.

“Your reputation is less than sparkling,” he said. “But the man you showed me today? Fighting against your kingdom, your home, and surely some of your friends to fight alongside innocents?Thatis a man worth following. A man I am sure the love of your life would be proud of.”

The burning now spread to my throat. I bit down on my lip, breathing slowly, and gave him a thankful nod.

He released my wrist, eyes going back to the fire. I wished I could be more consoling. Wished I could offer more help.

Instead, I left a large portion of our remaining gold on his kitchen table as I exited his study. I still admired how humble he lived, how the part of the castle that was his home was so modest.

Quin was sitting on the floor, holding a doll for his little sisters, his eyes just as lost as his father’s.

He glanced up at me as I was getting ready to walk out. “You lost your mom too, haven’t you?” he asked quietly.

He looked so broken…and in him, I saw myself, too. It was like this war was taking my demons and shoving them right in my face.

I nodded. “I did.”

His jaw flexed. Leroy's second youngest child, Phoebe, gazed at me with big eyes. She gave me a toothy grin, completely unaware of the loss she had just experienced.

Fuck, it gave me another pang in my chest. “I know how painful it is,” I said gently. “How unfair it is.”

The door cracked open, and Dani stepped in, carrying Leroy's youngest baby against her chest. Dani’s tearful eyes met mine.

“Where’s mommy?” their other little girl, Sera, asked. “Why are you crying, Auntie Dani? Does your tummy hurt?”

I turned to Quin, clasping his shoulder. “I can’t bring your mother back. I wish I could,” I said quietly. “But I promise you, when this war ends, you and your family will never have to hide who you are again. You will know no fear. You will be safe.”

Quin’s face crumpled, and I couldn’t take anymore. I passed Dani, unable to meet her eyes, and left their residence.

Our group was quiet as we readied the horses the following morning. While this battle was technically a win, it was impossible not to feel the weight of all the losses that accompanied it.

We needed to get to Faltrun and gather their support as soon as possible.

Era was especially quiet that evening, and she and I turned in early, holding each other as we fell asleep. With each passing day, it was harder and harder to be intimate with her. Between the stress and Lena's presence, I found myself avoiding my wife's touch and instead finishing myself in the shower.

I felt terrible about it.

My armor was on, and I was standing alone by Sable as he hydrated. I heard the crunching of the twigs and turned to see Dani staring at me with crossed arms and a frown on her face. She was glamoured to appear human.

Her eyes filled with more tears. “Did you mean what you said yesterday? To Quin?”

My brows drew together, and my voice was soft as I replied, “I’d never lie about something like that.”

Her lip wobbled, and she exhaled, her hands falling to her sides. “I’m coming with you.”

I recoiled. “What?”

“Leroy begged me to, and after seeing how you were with Quin…” She shook her head, then raised her chin. “Youarea leader worth following.”

The same thing Leroy said to me he must’ve said to Dani.

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