Page 52 of The Sins of Silas

My whole body stiffened, and Roland was instantly aware of my body language. He pulled back, his hazel eyes examining me with concern.

“Hey,” he murmured, grasping my hands. “If you aren’t ready, don’t worry about it,” he said softly.

I drew a few breaths, then sat on his bed in defeat, my cheeks heating in embarrassment. Roland sat beside me a moment later, and his hand gently began rubbing my back. I appreciated how, despite how unserious he was most of the time, it was evident just how much he cared about making me comfortable.

I pulled my lips to the side and looked over at him. Sadness etched his features, and as he held my gaze, a small smile overcame his lips. Another look of pity.

My shoulders sagged, and my eyes traveled to my lap.

This wasn’t fucking fair. I wanted this with Roland. I loved how it felt having him kiss me.

I didn’t want to be damaged.

Ruined.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Roland stopped caressing my back and grasped my chin with his other hand, tilting me to look at him. My throat burned as I glimpsed into his eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Lena,” he assured, his hand sliding up to hold the side of my face. “I understand.”

My lip trembled, and I shook my head. “I want to, badly,” I said quietly, then bit my lip.

I didn’t want those men ruling me. I didn’t want them to have a single ounce of power over me. I deserved to be happy, deserved pleasure.

I took in another ragged breath. “I just…I want to be in control…in control of what we do.” I angled my body toward him, my hand sliding up his muscular thigh. “Would that be okay with you?”

The corner of his lip went up as he stroked my cheek. “Hell yeah, Ginger Snap.” He scooted back on the bed until he was in the center, his arms going behind his head as he leaned against the headboard. “Do whatever you’d like to me.”

His smile was infectious. I slowly stood, my eyes never leaving his. The dark, golden lighting in the room accentuated the caramel hues of his irises. The shadows only defined the muscles in his stomach, and I desperately wondered what that trail of hair under his belly button led to.

My heart was pounding so fast.

I am in control.

“Take off your pants.”

His eyebrows raised, and he bit back a smile. “As you wish,” he purred.

My eyes became heavy as he slowly slid down his trousers, his undergarments coming down along with them. I loosened a breath as his perfect length sprang free.

His smile grew at my expression, and he kicked his pants off and discarded them on the floor.

He tilted his head to the side, an infuriatingly adorable grin on his face as he raised his brow and asked, “Do you like what you see?”

“Very much,” I answered quietly.

“I’m glad,” he whispered. I loved how comfortable he was around me, how his eyes taunted me.

“Close your eyes.”

His eyes twinkled, and he did as I said.

I stood, then slowly began unlacing my dress in the back. “No peeking,” I crooned.

His smile grew, showing his bright teeth. “No peeking,” he reiterated.

The fabric of my dress fell to the floor, and then I slid down my panties. Once I was completely naked, I kneeled between his legs on the mattress.

---