Page 230 of The Sins of Silas

No.

No, no, no, no!

The scrawny one gripped me through my pants, and I thrashed, desperate to escape.

It was no use. I was fucking trapped.

“Please!” I cried, tears spilling down my face. “Please don’t do this! Father!”

The bald one unbuckled his pants, exposing himself as he began to stroke. The average one stood back and watched as the scrawny one pulled down my trousers.

I thrashed again, wailing as I tried with all my might to avoid what they were going to do to me.

“He’s soft,” the big one complained. “The King said he was into this.”

“He’ll get there.”

“Put him in your mouth.”

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” I screamed. “FATHER!”

But the men only laughed at my screams, my pleas. And they went ahead and raped me anyway.

Chapter Sixty-Three

LENA - NOW

“My father…he had them…” he whispered, his entire body trembling. “He had them…”

My eyes were wide in horror, and I felt fire surge through my veins as tears poured out of my eyes. My voice broke as I uttered, “You were raped?”

His head fell, his tearful eyes dropping to the ground. “By the time I realized what was going to happen, there was nothing I could do. I thrashed and tried to free myself from those fucking chains, but I was trapped,” his voice cracked. “I screamed for my father, begging him to help me. He did nothing.

“I had never felt so helpless in my life. The things they did to me, the things they made me do to them…” His face crumpled. “And to top it all off, my body fucking betrayed me.” Shame shone in his watery eyes as he gazed up at me. “I-I didn’t enjoy it, Lena, Ipromise, not at—”

I grasped his face with both hands, my eyes burning into his. “I know that…Gods,” I cried softly. “You don’t need to defend yourself, Silas.”

The tears he was holding began flooding out. “The sick fucks got off on violating men. They loved seeing me in fear, begging for it to stop.” He sniffed. “When it was over, I was shaking so badly. They released me from the chains, and I scrambled away, vomiting on the floor. When my father came back and witnessed me puking, he simply said I was pathetic and whipped me once more.”

I wept with him as I lowered my hand, stoking his mangled flesh.

“It wasn’t Roland’s fault,” he cried softly. “He really was helping me. He…I think he actually cared.” He shook his head, eyes squeezing shut. “But after that happened to me, I couldn’t even look at him without seeingthem…without being reminded of what happened. So, I pushed him away. I treated him like shit.

“But still, he’s always kept that secret of ours. Still, he has stuck by my side.” Silas released an exhale, his face crumpling when he had the courage to look at me once again. “You must be disgusted with me.”

“Not at all,” I insisted, caressing his back. “Not even a little bit, Silas. Nothing like that would change how I look at you. All I can do is admire your strength.”

He shook his head. “I wasn’t strong. I was a shell of a person then. I thought to myself I would never do anything to get punished again, but it wasn’t as if I did something to invoke it, not anymore.” His eyes slid to the flames that warmed us. “Every week, I would get put through it all over again. And I was promised it would only stop when I endured it with no emotion, no expression.

“And Gods did I fucking try, but it was impossible. I tried to focus on the only thing that had ever brought me happiness to get me through it.” His eyes found mine. “You. But all I could think of when I thought of you was your burnt corpse in your cottage and…” His voice cracked, and he covered his face.

“Silas,” I cried, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close.

He wept into the nook of my neck for a few moments before pulling away and wiping his eyes.

“It was almost three months of being raped and beaten every week,” he said quietly. “Right before that final week, I told myself if I failed one more time, if I broke justonemore time, I would end my life. I couldn’t go through it any longer.

“As I was lying there the final time, preparing for what they would do, I remembered what you told me when I last saw you.‘You will not give up. You will not break.’Do you remember telling me that?”

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