Page 227 of The Sins of Silas

Months went by, and while every beating threatened to turn me into a monster, Roland’s goofy personality and our music lessons made mefeelagain, even if only for a little bit. I had grown even closer to him than I had with Edmund and Hendry.

“Wow. I take back what I said about you not being good at everything,” he praised after I finished playing a song. “In just a few short months, you’ve improved dramatically.”

“Honestly, it’s all I’ve been doing in my free time.” I chewed at my lip. “I loathe being around my father, and other than the training and royal duties, I’ve been practicing.”

“You hate your Dad?”

Yes.

I sighed, standing from the piano bench and walking to my bed. “He’s just…nothing like my Mother was.” I sat on my mattress, resting my elbows on my knees.

“No kidding,” Roland said, standing and striding over to sit beside me. He crossed his arms. “I hardly saw him in training, but now, seeing how he instructs us on the field, I realize just how brutal he is.” He paused. “Especially with how he talks to you,” he added softly.

“He’s always been that way. Well, he was less harsh when I was a boy.”

I could sense Roland’s eyes drift over to me as I stared ahead. “Does he hurt you?”

My eyes shot wide, and I spun my head toward him.

Did he somehow see my back?!

“What makes you ask that?” I asked, attempting to appear unaffected by his question.

His jaw clicked. “He just seems the type.”

I laughed through my nose, eyes falling back to the ground. “Don't worry about me.”

“Well…I do. I hope you have someone here that sticks up for you,” he said quietly.

I gave him a soft smile that I knew didn’t reach my eyes. The truth was no one stuck up for me. Not anymore.

I was aware of his thigh pressing against mine as he continued, “You want me to be real with you, yes?”

I nodded, my brows drawing together. “Always.”

His fingers nervously drummed along his thighs. I had no time to react as his eyes fell to my lips, and he leaned forward and kissed me.

My instant reaction was to shove him away, so I did.

My eyes were blown wide, as was Roland’s, his cheeks tinted pink. I remained gaping at him.

I’d never been attracted to men before. The thought had never crossed my mind.

But human connection…touch. I missed it.

And I was lonely, so fucking lonely that I’d give anything to have a moment where I wasn’t dwelling on the past…thinking ofher.

So, I found myself grasping his jaw and pulling his lips back to mine.

Our kisses were slow for only a moment before I pushed him down against my bed. I hovered over him, kissing him hungrily, my tongue teasing his as his hands ran through my hair.

Who am I? What am I doing?

At that moment, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to bemeanymore. I didn’t want to be a prince. I didn’t want to be a son.

I didn't want to be Silas.

I wanted to be touched in a way that was loving. That was soft. I wanted to feel pleasure again. I wanted tofeelagain.

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