Page 219 of The Sins of Silas

I swallowed. “He said I don't remember thatI was in love with him, which is true. I…I only remember loving you.”

He sucked in his lips, shaking his head. “You loved him more,” he muttered, looking away.

“I said that?”

“You didn't have to.”

I sighed through my nose, fisting a handful of sand, the smooth, granular material slipping through the cracks between my fingers. “You really feel we gave it a fair shot?” I asked quietly. “You're satisfied with the attempt?”

He laughed humorlessly through his nose. “Why are you here, Lena?”

“To check on you.”

“No.” He shook his head. “The real reason.”

I swallowed, glancing off to the shore. “I…” I sighed. “I feel guilty.”

“You shouldn't be,” he replied solemnly. “You can't help that you're in love with him.”

“I feel guilty that it is you I want when Silas is hurting so deeply.”

His eyes skated to mine. “Lena,” Torrin muttered, shaking his head again. “You only want me because you can't remember him.”

“I chose to forget him, didn't I? Doesn't that mean the pain of loving him wasn't worth it?”

Torrin's teeth dragged across his bottom lip as he lifted his hand, holding my face. “It wasn't the pain of loving him. It was the pain of being unable to have him.”

I went to protest, and Torrin gently placed his lips on mine.

Imelted at the feeling, my eyes fluttering shut. When Torrin's lips pulled away, he whispered, “I suppose I understand that pain. I understand why you did it.”

“You are able to have me,” I whispered over his lips.

He let out a hum, kissing me softly again. “No, I can't.” Another kiss. “Because I don't think I could survive the pain that would come with you remembering him again.”

I sucked on his bottom lip, and he released a soft sigh. “I could just keep the memories away,” I offered quietly.

A light gasp escaped me when Torrin pushed me against the sand, his body looming over mine, holding my arms to the ground.

“Torrin,” I breathed.

He leaned down, pressing his lips against mine, his tongue demanding entry. My lips parted, my tongue swirling around his. His mouth trailed down, littering kisses along my jawline.

When a moan slipped free of my lips, Torrin released my arms, falling back beside me with a frustrated groan. His hands raked down his face as he lay against the sand.

Breathing heavily, I said, “I really loved him that much?”

Torrin's silence was answer enough.

Yet again, another evening was spent struggling to rest my mind. I remembered Dani saying there were gaps in my memory due to an error made with the spell. Perhaps that is why all this feels so terrible. Still, when I witnessed the rising sun across the shore, Viola in bird form flying back from an early morning scout, all thoughts about anything else vanished.

My friend shifted back to herself, eyes widening. “I…I saw it.”

“Nereida?” I nearly cried. “You've seen it?”

We decided last night it would be wise to have her check and see if the island truly was visible instead of risking our lives passing Wrendier for nothing.

She nodded breathlessly. “Yes, but it seems like an entirely bare island,” she stated, and our whole group went quiet. “But, as I got closer, I could feel a barrier of some sort—a ward.” She crossed her arms, anxiously rubbing her triceps. “It felt like my magic was being drained almost. I didn't want to get close. Not on my own.”

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