Page 218 of The Sins of Silas

Chapter Sixty

LENA

Silas'swords tormented me as I attempted to sleep that evening.

Those moments with you are the only beautiful memories I have.

Try as I might to recall something—anything—about our times together, it was just blank.

The pain behind his haunted golden eyes wrecked me. I knew he was my friend and that he had trained me, but it all felt like a fever dream. And hearing how he felt for me, even when I couldn't understand it, made me feel selfish as hell for erasing our history from my mind.

But it wasn't just our history…so much of my life, even the past few years, felt fuzzy. I hardly remembered any of our time on the road and almost nothing about my first few months in Ames.

Panic began to rise in me. What if I didn't get those memories back? Were they really so painful I couldn't handlethem?

The following morning, we headed for the eastern side of the southern coast, hoping to bypass Wrendier entirely as we headed for Nereida. When we reached the shoreline a few days later, it dawned on me that we couldn't bring our horses. I felt a wave of sadness parting ways with Donut, though not as much as Roland, who had actual tears in his eyes.

My magic-wielding friends focused their power on the pentagram I drew in the dirt, sending me, Torrin, and our horses to Faltrun. After a quick exchange with leadership, all going seemingly well in the newly taken over town, Torrin teleported us back.

Bending over and grasping his head, Torrin winced as we returned. We had help from a handful more Mages than when I teleported us there, yet Torrin was significantly more drained than I was.

“Are you alright?” I asked nervously as he knelt on the ground.

“Yes…yeah, just need a moment,” he breathed.

I frowned, then placed my hands on his shoulders. His brown eyes flicked to mine.

My palms didn't burn, but it felt as though my lungs did. Closing my eyes, I began surging my energy into him, what little I had.

Catching on to what I was doing, Torrin grasped my hands. “No.”

“I clearly feel better than you. Just let me—”

Stumbling as he stood, he flung my hands off of him. “I'm fine.”

Our friends awkwardly looked away, returning back to the small campfire they'd set as Torrin ambled toward the shoreline.

“IperformedCelare,” Elowen announced gently, a wide smile on her face. “It's a cloaking spell. Our fire is hidden from other's eyes.”

“That's amazing, El,” I praised, noting the fragrance from the herbs that burned in the fire. Noticing my worried gaze trailing to her cousin, she gave me a sad smile.

I met Silas's eyes for just a moment. The pain that lay behind them almost caused me to rush to my tent, ready for the evening to be over. But I found myself following Torrin off in the distance instead.

He went several feet away from our camp, far away enough that no one could see him. He sat inches away from the tide, the water creeping up the sand. His elbows rested on his knees, and his eyes were glued to the impending waves.

His jaw feathered as I sat beside him, moonlight illuminating his bright hair. He wouldn't look at me.

“It sucks having everyone mad at me,” I whispered, eyes turning to watch the ripples in the water. The sounds the ocean made were comforting, threatening to lull me to sleep after such magic usage.

“I'm not mad at you,” he mumbled.

I gave him an impassive glance. “Yes, you are.”

His chest rose and fell, an exhausted sigh leaving him. “I'm just frustrated,” he responded quietly a minute later.

I studied him. “I can't remember why you don't wish to be intimate with me,” I whispered. “So, I can only assume…” I trailed off, realizing I had no idea what Torrin did or did not know.

He exhaled through his nose. “Yes, it’s because of Silas.” He finally tilted his head toward me, making eye contact.

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