Page 216 of The Sins of Silas

I would free them. I would free them all.

Ifound it hard to believe I was okay with such sickening behavior…that I had committed such ruthless acts.

I had lost myself to grief. To pain. Tohim.Now, here I was, attempting to reassemble all the broken pieces. No, there was no fixing me, no putting me back together. I could only try to undo as much of the damage I had caused as possible, even if no amount of righteous acts would erase my sins.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt a nudge on my back. When I looked over my shoulder, Lena was staring at me.

My brows lifted, shocked at the idea she was coming anywhere near me. It must have confused her greatly, having me spew out all my feelings earlier.

I took a steadying breath, grasping the railing with one hand and Boots with the other, as Lena stepped beside me. “What’s on your mind?” she asked gently.

I ran my hand down the doll's fabric. “How unfair this life is,” I whispered. I rotated my head, staring down at her. “What's onyourmind?”

Her jaw clicked as she stared up into the night sky. The moon loomed over us, stars shimmering above. “I’m afraid,” she whispered after a moment. “I’m afraid…not only of crossing those in Wrendier but afraid that Nereida is nothing but a myth. That we’ve risked so much for nothing.”

I carefully placed the doll back in my bag and then put a hand on her shoulder, those stunning eyes hesitantly meeting mine.

“It hasn’t been for nothing,” I insisted, my eyes softening as they searched her face. “I now have allies in both Forsmont and Faltrun. Those with magic rule in both. I’d say we’ve made great progress.”

I offered her a genuine smile, one that didn't come out much anymore, and I was stunned when she pulled me into an embrace, her head resting against my chest.

“Thank you, Silas,” she whispered. “For everything. I couldn't imagine doing this all without your help.”

My arms surrounded her a moment later, squeezing her against my body. I breathed in her scent, my nose drifting against her hair. “I couldn't imagine doing this without you, either,” I whispered back.

She pulled away gently, smiling up at me as her arms returned to her sides.

My face became pained as I searched hers. “Do you remember a few nights ago?”

I knew she didn’t. But still, maybe I could get through to her. Maybe it would trigger something.

“Do you remember our time in Otacia?" I pushed. “When we were younger?”

She frowned, eyes skating the ground. “I remember…” She laughed through her nose, raising her gaze. “I mean, there’s not too much to remember. Other than the training. I still appreciate that, you know.” She tilted her head to the side. “Why?”

I clenched my fists. “Do you remember Amethyst Pond?”

“You know of that place?”

“You don’t remember those lowlifes from Serpent’s Cove—how I killed them while you were in the water?”

She thought about it. “No…” she replied slowly. “Silas, are you okay? Maybe you had a bad dream?” Her green eyes studied me with concern.

I let out a shaky exhale. “How could you do that fucking spell?” I gritted out, my face contorting.

She retreated a nervous step. “What spell?”

I ran my hand through my hair and then, after a few seconds, I charged toward her.

Nervously, she backed away. “W-what are you doing?!”

I seized her neck, not roughly, but enough to keep her in place as I pushed her against the building's wall. “How is it fair that your memories get wiped, yet I have to live with mine?” I hissed. “Should I ask Merrick to take mine away, too? Is that what you want?!”

Her eyes bulged. “Merrick…he took my memories?”

I released her neck. “You begged him to!” I cried. When I cupped her face, her green eyes went broad. “You really don’t remember anything between us?” My voice broke. “The Summer Solstice festival? Our…our first time?”

She choked on a breath, eyes flitting between mine. “Silas…I…I am so confused.” She chewed on her lip. “Have you…did you have something to drink?”

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