Page 196 of The Sins of Silas

I leaned my head back and loosened a breath. I said such terrible shit to her, things I didn’t mean. And the look on her face…

I wanted to fuck her like a wild animal. And I did just that, but the desperation I felt wasn’t simple carnal desire. I wantedallof her. I wanted to love on her, make her feel good.

And all I did was fuck her and leave. Left her with tears running down her face.

“Can I offer some advice?” Dani asked softly.

I tilted my head to her and nodded.

“Being honest will always be the best, even if it hurts others. Even if it hurts you.” Her gaze didn’t falter. “And with everything going on, with our lives coming so close to ending countless times now…” She let out a sigh. “I think you would have more regrets not saying how you truly feel. Not doing what your heart tells you.”

My eyes fell to my lap. “It isn’t so simple,” I whispered.

“Love never is. But if you’re unhappy, Era deserves to be free.” She placed a gentle hand on my arm, and my eyes slid to meet her tender stare. “And you deserve to be as well.”

I held her eyes for a few moments before she threw back the rest of her drink and walked off.

I stayed sitting there for a few moments, feeling calmer now, my head somehow clearer, despite the drug warming my body.

I had to go back upstairs.

Chapter Fifty-Three

LENA

Isobbed into my hands after Silas left the room, never having felt so awful in my life.

I felt disgusting. I felt so, so ashamed.

Era had become my friend. She had been nothing but kind to me, and I slept with her husband.

Slept with her husband only a few days after I had a threesome with two of our other friends.

I cried harder. What the fuck was wrong with me? Both sexual experiences were…blissful. Fantastic, if I was being honest. But both times, I was left feeling empty…and alone.

“Your hatred pales in comparison to the loathing I feel towardyou now.”

He hates me, and rightfully so. I shouldn’t have told him my feelings. I shouldn’t have eagerly removed my robe and did everything he asked ofme.

I hated that I loved him. Hated him for not being able to have him. And he hated me for the same reason.

How would I face him tomorrow? Face Era? Face Merrick, Torrin, or Roland?

I was a whore.

I wished to cry myself to sleep, but I needed to wash myself, even though I knew I wouldn't feel any less disgusting.

I was standing in the burning hot stream an hour later, silently crying. Try as I might, I was unable to fall asleep, unable to quiet the voices in my head despite my emotional exhaustion. The sting the water gave was a small comfort, distracting me from the war waging in my mind. Once I was ready to pass out, I stepped out. Wringing out my hair and drying my body, I threw on a large cotton T-shirt. I slipped on a pair of underwear and stopped before my bed.

I felt gross even looking at the sheets.

Maybe I should go downstairs and drink away my sorrows.

The thought was intriguing, but I didn’t wish to face anyone. Speak to anyone. So, I hesitantly climbed into bed, wrapping myself in the thick comforter.

I stared at the ceiling for a while, eyes leaking.

I was Supreme of Ames. I had a duty to save my people. My heart ached for a man I couldn't have, and the distress was distracting me.

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