Page 189 of The Sins of Silas

I could feel my face becoming pained. “Both of them, Lena?” I barely got out.

She kept her back to me. “How does that make you feel?” she asked matter-of-factly.

“What do you fucking think?! It makes me angry! Fucking furious!”

“Why?”

I paused. “What do you mean, why?”

“Why does it make you angry?” she demanded.

I was left stunned. She couldn’t be seriously asking that.

At my silence, she asked, “Would you have a threesome?”

I took a deep breath. I was a bastard, an asshole, for wanting to hurt her in this moment. “I have before,” I said simply. “Multiple times.”

That made her spin toward me, and despite my rage, pain lumped in my throat at the sight of her glassy eyes.

“Never with Era. But before I met her, I experimented a lot…I’ve had a myriad of women in my bed.”

It was true. I lost count of how many women I’d slept with. When I thought Lena had died, nothing mattered to me anymore. Sex was the only distraction of mine that didn’t involve killing people or destroying my body with substances.

Her hands balled into fists at her sides as she glared at me with contempt.

At one point, we had belonged only to each other. No other person had touched our bodies, and no other lips had brushed against ours.

Didn’t she understand I didn’t want this? That I didn't ask for any of it?

Her eyes were becoming bloodshot, but she tried her hardest to stand firm. “Would you have shared me with another man, Silas?”

I tensed. I wasn’t expecting that to be what came out of her mouth. She wasn’t disgusted that I’d slept around, though I’m surethe thought wasn’t a pleasant one. No, she was wondering if a man who loved her—trulyloved her—would be willing to share.

Every relationship was different. People’s boundaries varied. It didn’t necessarily mean someone didn’t love you if they were comfortable sharing.

But I knew the type of man I was. I was possessive. What was mine was mine—no one else’s.

“Never,” I said softly. “I could never.”

Her face fell, and my shoulders sagged, all anger disappearing the second I saw that pain in her face. She pivoted away.

“Lena—”

I went to reach for her, but she shrugged me off, whirling to face me with nothing but wrath etched on her face.

“I HATE YOU!” she screamed, and I recoiled as tears continued to flow down her beautiful face. Her voice shook as she uttered, “I hate you. I hate how badly I crave you. I hate that I will always compare every lover to you and come up short-handed. Every. Single. Time.”

I blinked rapidly, surprised by her confession. “I-I thought it was better with Roland—”

“I lied!” she cried, throwing her hands up. “I lied—and how easily did you believe it? Howcouldyou believe it?” Tears poured down her flushed cheeks. “I want you so badly I can’t think straight,” she said in a broken whisper. “I know now that I will never be happy…never be satisfied with anyone else. And I know that you are, that you have found your person,” she sobbed, her face twisting to rage. “And Ihateyou for it.”

An icy coldness took hold of my features as I inched closer to her. “You think I am happy?” I seethed. “You believe I amsatisfied?!” I gripped her chin tightly and pulled her face up to me, her eyesenlarging at the motion. “I haven’t known happiness since you left my life, Lena. I haven’t known satisfaction since that last night you were in my bed. How can’t you comprehend how desperately I desire you? How, after all these years, am I still in love with you?!”

Her eyes blew wide, and she stiffened as I leaned my face closer, my voice quiet but no less angry. “Do you know how often I dream of you? How often I wish to be holding you in my arms?”

She was staring up at me, her face mere inches from mine. My eyes trailed down to her mouth, and I dragged my thumb along her bottom lip.

“How much strength it takes me to be anywhere near you, to keep what little honor I have…when all I desire is your lips on mine? When all I want is to worship this body of yours?”

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